My Doctor Reading List

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

So what's next?

I've had a lot of time to think about what's next for me, career-wise. Its so hard though, because anything I choose will in some way be associated with failure to get into med school - at least, in my mind. I'm sure that the many family or friends who are aware of what I tried to do will forget over time. But I won't.

If I didn't have a family, I'd just try and take on a job or even pursue a career in something that is at least related to medicine with the hope that I'll eventually get in.

But I do have one and I also do have a lot to fall back on - namely, my business degree and CA. I don't want to go back to the accounting/auditing work that made me so miserable but I have to admit, I loved doing my business degree. My logical self thinks it would be stupid to start over completely as say, a nutritionist or something, just because its health care related when I can do something I might really enjoy in a field where I have training from a top business school. Especially when I hear stories of friend's boyfriends or cousins being rejected for the 3rd time with no back up or vague plans to start a masters in something.

In fact, on a whim I applied to a local college to do a post-graduate diploma in retail marketing and promotions and got in - even though the deadline had long passed - and it reminded me that just because I didn't get into med school on my first attempt that it means I am a total idiot. My grades, school pedigree and work experience, in the real world mean a lot and a valued.

My only problem with going back into the rat race is the fear of slipping back into that torn life style I had before. What if I can't find a job that I love - something that gives me a purpose? What if I can't be there for my kids and husband the way I want to? I'm realizing that it doesn't necessarily get easier when your children get older. Yes, I no longer have to change diapers (well, at least with my oldest) but now I need to help with homework and in general be involved. I know that going back to work of any sort will require some of that sacrifice but I want it to be worth it - and not just financially.  I think the main challenge will be finding something that will make me happy - so I can be a good wife and mother.

Also I'm just not ready to completely let go of my dream of med school. I don't talk about it much to anyone anymore - its just tucked away into a tiny piece of my heart and will have to bide its time. On bad days it there like a little thorn reminding me that I'm going to be 29 years old this year and this is just not realistic. On good days it remains a goal that can be achieved. Fortunately, my husband is aware of this and told me to just wait and try again when I'm ready. In that respect, I'm so, so lucky. So I need to find something that WILL give me the time to keep pursuing med school as a goal and not just a dream.

I'll keep updating this blog...where ever I end up will be largely because of this initial desire. It might be med school. Or it might be something completely different.

2 comments:

  1. You never know where life might lead you. Just over a year ago I didn't think med school would ever be a possibility for me, and now I have a concrete plan and am about to write the MCAT.

    You aren't out until or unless you decide to be out. There's a gentleman in my biology class who is 52 and only recently decided to try to make something of his dream of attending med school. I imagine you'll have it figured out long before you're in your fifties, but I'm just saying it'll still be there as an option no matter when you decide to go for it, if you ever do.

    You could find something in this new venture that you absolutely love, that helps you find that balance you want. Who knows, maybe that program you were accepted to might turn out to be just what you wanted, even if you didn't know you wanted it.

    I do hope you find fulfilment in your pursuits. And if you do find yourself in a place where you want to give it another try, the med schools will still be there. :)

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  2. Ditto - Kay.

    Life happened and I didn't apply until I was 33 (enrolled @ 34) and I am, by no means, unique in my delayed pursuit. I figure with the increased life expectancy over the last century, we're due to take a few extra years to find/stalk our passions.

    Med school'll always be there and even if you find yourself on a path in the opposite direction, well, that's life. When I was 20-something, I was going to be the next great American novelist, adventurer-extraordinaire (jeez).

    With your grades, school pedigree and work experience, you KNOW that if you decide to reapply, you'd likely get in. No failure in chasing new direction.

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