First grade is back

So I got my first "real" grade back.

What I mean by "real" is that it was real test of my knowledge via a proctored test. I've had online quizzes and labs, but the online quizzes are a guaranteed 100% since we are allowed to do them as often as we like and they will take your highest grade. They said the whole point of them is to encourage people to keep trying and that there is a direct correlation between the number of attempts and grades (so even if you got 100% of an attempt, they encourage you to take it again for study purposes).

So, so far I've been able to post a 100% on the first 3 of my 8 quizzes. They are worth a total of 10% of the whole grade, so no insignificant but still not a real test of my understanding or knowledge - since I can have my notes and take my time.

For labs we pretty much get full marks for attending and doing the lab right. Again, I'm averaging 100% on those (also worth 10%).

But my test, worth 15% was a REAL test and I got 89%. I was a bit disappointed because I know exactly where I lost marks - I left the test knowing that I got at least 87% but I remember blanking on something easy and of course remembered just after I left the test and was a bit confused about the instructions on another question (it was easy but I was a bit uncertain about what exactly they meant). Since the test was out of 30 marks, losing just one mark affects the percentage.

Anyway, all in all, not a bad mark for my first foray back into school and since the test was only worth 15%, my 89% is like 13.7/15 so I lose a whopping 1.3% off my total mark. It was also way above the class average, so that makes me happy too.

Mostly I'm just happy that I still *know* what to do to get a decent grade and that I'll have to make sure I do the same thing when it comes to the final exam (which is worth 60%!).

Patience and Impatience

Wanting to go to medical school requires a ton of patience.

Even if you go the traditional route, it requires so much patience.

When you want to go as a mature student or a non-trad, it requires even more.

Today I had a bit of a meltdown. My toddler has a bad cold and yesterday my husband and I agreed we would keep him home from daycare today - my husband would take care of him while I went to class. Except my husband (who works from home) was on a work call that was taking forever and it forced me to be late for my lecture. I couldn't just dump a sick two year old in front of the TV because when tried, he would freak out and cling to me (hello mommy guilt) and I couldn't obviously take him with me. In the end I did stick him in front of the TV with some chocolate to buy me the time to sneak out and my husband to finish his call.

I hate being late so this put me in a bad mood. I was actually angry at my husband for not making my class a priority for him. Its silly I know, since he is earning all the money now and can't just hang up the phone on his boss because *I* need to leave - and I'm doing this for myself more than anything.

But I'm mostly just feeling so impatient with the process. I've given up a lot to move to New Zealand but one of the trade offs was that I'd have another chance at medical school. But its not a guarantee that I'll get in. I'm doing what I can within my limits to get in and its a major balancing act with two kids, a baby on the way and navigating a lot of uncertainty in general. I wish I could look into the future and KNOW what's going to happen so that it would be easier for me to be patient. I'm actually borderline terrified of what I'm going to do if I don't get in.

Anyway, vent over, time to hit the books. First exam is a week away!