Patience and Impatience

Wanting to go to medical school requires a ton of patience.

Even if you go the traditional route, it requires so much patience.

When you want to go as a mature student or a non-trad, it requires even more.

Today I had a bit of a meltdown. My toddler has a bad cold and yesterday my husband and I agreed we would keep him home from daycare today - my husband would take care of him while I went to class. Except my husband (who works from home) was on a work call that was taking forever and it forced me to be late for my lecture. I couldn't just dump a sick two year old in front of the TV because when tried, he would freak out and cling to me (hello mommy guilt) and I couldn't obviously take him with me. In the end I did stick him in front of the TV with some chocolate to buy me the time to sneak out and my husband to finish his call.

I hate being late so this put me in a bad mood. I was actually angry at my husband for not making my class a priority for him. Its silly I know, since he is earning all the money now and can't just hang up the phone on his boss because *I* need to leave - and I'm doing this for myself more than anything.

But I'm mostly just feeling so impatient with the process. I've given up a lot to move to New Zealand but one of the trade offs was that I'd have another chance at medical school. But its not a guarantee that I'll get in. I'm doing what I can within my limits to get in and its a major balancing act with two kids, a baby on the way and navigating a lot of uncertainty in general. I wish I could look into the future and KNOW what's going to happen so that it would be easier for me to be patient. I'm actually borderline terrified of what I'm going to do if I don't get in.

Anyway, vent over, time to hit the books. First exam is a week away!