Status report

Ok, so... I'm happy to report that I've passed everything - so far. I got 74% in biophysics (but its a pass/fail course, so the score doesn't matter). I passed Latin (I don't know my score yet, I only know I passed because the teacher sent us an email with the student IDs of the people who need to sit the retake and I wasn't on it, but its also pass/fail so I don't even care) and I also found out I passed the Histology term exam (I got a 70%).

Its funny because in the past, getting a 70% would have been almost like failing in my eyes. Unless there is a "9" in front, I wasn't happy.

But my perspective has changed. First of all, again, only about 40% of the class passed this first attempt. And even less people can say that they passed all three term exams without doing a retake and yet I'm one of them. In fact, I've yet to have to retake any exam. And second of all, this time I'm a mom with three kids. My study time is limited, no matter how much help I get, I'm still their mom and they need me. And I need them. I need that time with them to push me to learn as much as I can and to pass. Because that's the ultimate goal.

Of course the biggest challenge awaits - and that's anatomy. I'm nervous about it because like I've probably mentioned a million times, its the one course that I *need* to pass this year in order to move on to the next year. My term exams (one in theory and one practical) are next week and then I have to start studying for the finals as they are a short two weeks later.

However, in spite of all my studying demands, I decided to take this morning "off". I got up with the kids and dropped them off at school. Then I went to the mall and did some shopping. I wanted to get myself some summer clothes as the weather has been off the charts hot recently, but I wasn't able to find anythingI liked. Still, I'm happy because I finally got around to getting my middle son some badly needed new sneakers and got my daughter some sandals. I got all the kids a small gift for Children's Day (June 1st in Poland). But to make sure I didn't leave without a little something for myself, I treated myself to a new body wash and bath bomb.

Then I walked to the place where I'm going to study and the movement felt good. I think people (read: students) really underestimate how helpful exercise is before exams. I went to my personal trainer for a workout session the day before my histology exam, even though going there, the workout and coming back home during rush hour cost me about two hours of study time.

But now its officially afternoon and I need to get to it. My last anatomy class is in a few hours and my last chance to earn an extra point or two towards my exam.

And just like that

I have six weeks left of my first year of medical school. Hopefully, that is.

About 70% of my class will fail at least one of the major final exams; those from Histology or Anatomy. Luckily there are retake exams. However these are at the end of September, shortly before the new year is about to start.

I cannot let myself be in that majority. I cannot! The thought of having my summer ruined with the knowledge that I should be studying all summer long makes me want to put the kettle on to make another cup of coffee and keep reading my texts book for an hour - or two - longer.

But before finals in those subjects, I still have to pass the term tests which will give me permission to attempt the final exam. And if I fail THOSE then I have to start studying for the terrifying "admissions" exam, which is an exam you a have to take if you don't qualify for the final, as a last ditch effort to qualify for the final. This concept is still one that I'm wrapping my mind around. And I'm still not quite sure what happens if you don't pass the admissions test. I do know though, that if you fail the anatomy retake, you cannot progress to the 2nd year and effectively add another year to your program.

So I'm a bit stressed now. Not crazy stressed (yet) but my nails are on the short side and I feel a bit anxious every minute that I'm not studying.

Some of my friends and students I've talked to seem to have made their peace with the fact that they WILL be rewriting one or both exams in the fall and really don't seem to be bothered by it.

But I feel like I've worked too hard and frankly, my family has made a lot of sacrifices for me this past year and I want to make it up to them by being full present and engaged in my family life all summer. I also want to relax, unwind, read novels and nap and feel like I truly deserve it and without the nagging feeling of "should be studying" at the back of my mind all the time.

So wish me luck and hopefully I'll be back soon with the good news that I passed.