And just like that

I have six weeks left of my first year of medical school. Hopefully, that is.

About 70% of my class will fail at least one of the major final exams; those from Histology or Anatomy. Luckily there are retake exams. However these are at the end of September, shortly before the new year is about to start.

I cannot let myself be in that majority. I cannot! The thought of having my summer ruined with the knowledge that I should be studying all summer long makes me want to put the kettle on to make another cup of coffee and keep reading my texts book for an hour - or two - longer.

But before finals in those subjects, I still have to pass the term tests which will give me permission to attempt the final exam. And if I fail THOSE then I have to start studying for the terrifying "admissions" exam, which is an exam you a have to take if you don't qualify for the final, as a last ditch effort to qualify for the final. This concept is still one that I'm wrapping my mind around. And I'm still not quite sure what happens if you don't pass the admissions test. I do know though, that if you fail the anatomy retake, you cannot progress to the 2nd year and effectively add another year to your program.

So I'm a bit stressed now. Not crazy stressed (yet) but my nails are on the short side and I feel a bit anxious every minute that I'm not studying.

Some of my friends and students I've talked to seem to have made their peace with the fact that they WILL be rewriting one or both exams in the fall and really don't seem to be bothered by it.

But I feel like I've worked too hard and frankly, my family has made a lot of sacrifices for me this past year and I want to make it up to them by being full present and engaged in my family life all summer. I also want to relax, unwind, read novels and nap and feel like I truly deserve it and without the nagging feeling of "should be studying" at the back of my mind all the time.

So wish me luck and hopefully I'll be back soon with the good news that I passed.