I'm sorry, I can't

This is a phrase that I'm required to mutter often as a medical student that is also a parent. It's a struggle sometimes to have to turn down events because it means missing out on time with my kids, but thats the reality of being a parent and when your family is your priority. Saying it would cause me to feel a pang of guilt in the past but honestly it doesn't anymore. Frankly, I don't even like to say "I'm sorry", because I'm NOT sorry. But its a habit I'm working on - not apologizing for things that I don't need to apologize for.

But I digress. Because my family IS my priority, however important my medical education and career are, and I do make a conscious effort to balance them. There are times when my family time has to be sacrificed, like when I need to study for an exam or have a mandatory class that clashes with one of my kids school performances. Sometimes I make the decision to sacrifice my family time for non-mandatory, but important to me events. But there are other times that I choose to forgo opportunities in order to spend more time with my kids. I'd love to join the surgery club, for example, and be able to attend a surgery last minute, however I just know it wouldn't work. I'd also love to join a uni sports club but that too is just too rigid for me and can't justify an evening a week for sport when I have plenty of other time available to workout that doesn't take time away from my kids.

I think that sometimes people forget that I have kids though. I try not to bring it up too often, and I really try to not use my kids as an excuse for not getting something done (which rarely happens) - even when they ARE the reason. At the end of the day, I choose to pursue medicine while having a family and there are some costs to that, like less time available to study or take part in extra curricular activities. It is what it is and I'm not bitter about it at all. I accept it and I also try to be as organized as I can to minimize my time away AND be able to fulfill my academic obligations. But what does sometimes frustrate me is having to justify it. Like not being able to attend a club meeting on a weekend. People are understanding, but I often get challenged on it...like being asked "but couldn't you come for just an hour?" Not, not even for "just" an hour. Because its never "just" an hour - I have to arrange it in advance with my husband (who may have planned on me being there to get something done), I have to commute, I have to find parking, the meeting will likely go over because no one else is rushed...and it ends up being like 4 hours or more of my precious weekend time.

This problem won't go away. It's going to follow me for the rest of medical school, through residency and beyond. And even though my kids are getting older and more independent, it doesn't mean that I will need to spend less time with them (and of course my husband). Plus I LIKE to spend time with them. They are great kids. And people will just have to get used to me saying "I can't".