Third time's a charm?

So I'm back.

And I have some good news and some bad news.

The bad news is that I didn't get into the medical school in New Zealand. I was devastated. Completely. It took me several days to just accept it and grieve it. It really felt as though someone had died.

For a while I thought that this was it, that I had to move on. And I tried. I looked into law school, I looked into starting a new business. I looked into taking a digital marketing course. And while all those had some positives, I couldn't commit to any of them in my heart. None of them excited me, but I thought I had to do SOMETHING. I also knew I didn't want to go back to accounting. In my heart I knew that being a doctor was all I really want. But tried to bury it.

One day (after a pretty big fight too, I might add), my husband forced me to admit that I wasn't over not getting into medical school. He said he knew it and sighed and said "Let go to Poland then."

So the good news is...we did! We up and left New Zealand and moved to Poland just so I could pursue my dream of becoming a doctor.

I did a bit of research before biting the bullet and there really are some great medical schools with English language programs here. Truly! Of course there are also some that aren't good, so if this is a route you are considering, DO YOUR RESEARCH!

I know there are a lot of snobs out there who wouldn't dream of pursuing this path. Europe (and especially Eastern Europe) is not as prestigious as Canada or the US - I know. But this really doesn't mean that they are sub-par in terms of quality of education. I read "but you'll never get back to Canada!" etc and that is absolutely something I am aware of. However, I connected with some people I went to high school with (I went to an American high school in Warsaw) who went to the University of Warsaw medical school and did the English program and they are all doing extremely well. One guy just finished up a fellowship in radiology at Oxford and is considering pursuing a PhD there. Another girl did a residency in Scotland and is now a family doctor in Canada. A couple my sister knows (they met at the medical school) are both ER doctors practicing in the Arizona. Another stayed here in Poland and is a mini-celebrity with a huge following of her OB-Gyn themed Instagram and blog and TV appearances. They all loved the program, many chose it over other seemingly more prestigious universities and couldn't recommend it more highly.

I know the risk is that I may never get to practice in Canada but that is okay. This is MORE important to me and my husband is okay with it (the only condition he has is that we are to never move to the USA and I'm okay with that too).

Ideally after I graduate I'll be able to do a residency in an English speaking country, with Canada or New Zealand being my number one choice. However, I know that statistically this isn't likely so my next goal would be to do one in Scotland, Ireland or the UK. After completing a residency in one of those countries, I can be a family doctor in Canada without additional training OR if I decide to pursue a different specialty, I can do that residency and practice in New Zealand.

Lastly, if none of the above works out, I'll do my residency and training in Poland and just practice here because I am also a Polish citizen. So this isn't the same as, for example, going to med school in the Caribbean and not getting into a residency program in Canada or the US. I won't be left with no-where to practice. I can also work anywhere in the EU. That will also help in getting into residencies in Ireland (EU residents get a priority over non-EU). Unfortunately with Brexit, I don't know how it will affect my chances in the UK, though currently they accept anyone from the EEA of which Poland is a part of, but if not perhaps my Canadian citizenship will help there.

My husband said that he will figure something out and in any case, he is in the type of industry where remote work is abundant. Luckily he really likes living in Poland and is actively learning the language and is able to keep doing his same job, since its 100% remote. He also said he isn't ready to "settle" anywhere permanently yet (this was also part of his readiness to move away from New Zealand, because if we stayed there, it would require we "settle" indefinitely).

So what are my chances? Well, here is the next piece of good news. My grades from IB are the ONLY thing that counts and from my discussions with current and past students they are more than acceptable (I did well). I will, however, need to do an entrance exam in Chemistry, since I didn't do it at the IB level (the program requires IB Biology, IB Chemistry and IB Math or Physics). But since I JUST completed a university level course in Chemistry, I just need to review it to prepare myself. But grades are all that matter and applicants are ranked from 1-120 and those people are the ones who get in. No essays, no extra-curricular, no MCATs. Just grades from high school (if IB) or entrance exam results (or a combination if you don't have one of the required IB courses). And my understanding is that my grades are very competitive.

But there is a catch. And that is that there is also a very high attrition rate after the first year. As much as 25% of the accepted applicants will not progress to the second year, however after that the university really works to ensure all students succeed. I also spoke to a current student who told me that the pass rate of those who took IB is much higher and the only person he's ever heard of leaving the program with an IB background did so for health reasons, not because of poor academics).

Of course there is every chance that I won't make the cut-off. But I have a back up for that. The program I want has a "Pre-med Prep Course" where you take a year of biology, chemistry, physics, math and organic chemistry and they basically teach to the exam. So far the people who take this course have a 100% success rate of getting in. Its very expensive (10,000 euros!) but my husband said that he would insist I take it if I fail to get in this year. That said, tuition is among the cheapest in the world (currently its 11,000 euros per year) and we can easily afford that .

So watch this space! At the moment I am reviewing my chemistry notes and doing practice problems to prepare myself for the entrance exam coming up in May (which is all multiple choice, of which I will only have to answer the 40 chemistry questions).

Going private for a while

I am in the process of submitting my application for med school and have decided to make this blog private for a while. The reason is that I want my application to stand alone and don't want the off chance that someone from the admissions committee finds it and something I may have written about in this blog negatively affects my chances.

Interviews (if I get one) take place in a few months and final decisions come out at the end of August. I will update then on whether or not I have been successful.

Wish me luck!

Why medicine?

In just one month, I will be able to apply to the medical program. I can't believe how quickly the time has passed!

I haven't had much time to post because I've been incredibly busy with my newborn, my parents visiting and then transitioning back to being sans help - though luckily that coincided with school starting up again here in New Zealand so at least I have a *bit* more free time with my oldest in school and my middle one in preschool.

Still...that time is being used to just keep up with all that needs to be done - housework, laundry, childcare, book keeping and administration of my husband's business as well as becoming more involved with the PTA at my son's school.

Plus I'm trying to lose that baby weight that I gained and unfortunately what they say is true - it DOES get much harder when you are older. I remember that once I started to exercise and eat well after having my first (and waiting a very resopnsible 4 months to begin exercise), the weight just melted off. It was a bit harder with my second son, though the last 10-15 pounds required a lot of effort. This time its even harder but I want to make sure I do it in a smart way - I did a lot of damage to my pelvic floor muscles by exercising too intensely and too soon after having my second son and I don't want to worsen my problems.

But I digress...the most important part of my application (other than GPA) is a one page statement that I have to write on why I want to pursue medicine. This is going to be the hardest thing too because I could write a book about why medicine. Parring it down to just one page is going to be tough..

So I'm asking for some help from those who chose medicine, why? What is it about medicine that made you want to be a doctor?

A+!

I just got my final mark for my Chemistry course and...its an A+! Its  the highest mark I can possibly get and I'm so stoked about it. I must have done really well on my final! I was well prepared for it but of course I looked back on some questions and wondered...

This made my day - I've been super uncomfortable with my pregnancy (now 37.5 weeks in) and in general in a somber mood because of some upsetting family news this past weekend.

I'm so excited to apply to the medical program now. I'm so proud of myself.

Grateful

Just to take a short break from my last day of studying, I thought I'd reflect on something that I've been grateful for.

Today, its been my husband. He has been amazingly supportive of this decision to attempt medical school again and has proven it by actions and not just words.

Not only has he actively encouraged me to study, he has come up with ways to make sure I get quiet time to do so. He has driven me to class, he takes his responsibility as a father and equal partner in our house and he does it without being asked.

The last few days he has completely taken over the childcare. I know it shouldn't be a big deal when a dad does what he is supposed to do, but I KNOW there are many, many men out there who really do think its the "woman's" job to do certain things (childcare, kid's activities, cleaning, laundry, etc) even if the wife works or is sick or whatever. So I'm incredibly grateful that mine really doesn't see it that way. I'm grateful that in spite of working over 50 hours a week on average, he was happy to do everything so I could go to the library and study. Happy to organize outings for the kids so I can study in quiet at home once the library closed. Organized dinner. Did the laundry.

I got married very young - I was 22. My husband was 23. We had been together since high school, went to the same university together and got married immediately afterwards. Now, in many, many ways I think that we are incredibly lucky to have made it this far and to be so happy. I wouldn't actually recommend getting married so young to most people because you change so much as a person from that time of being young and newly independent to mature adult. It could have been a disaster, but luckily we were always on the same wavelength in terms of what we wanted and have always been supportive of each other. But we also have had some tough times, some not so perfect moments in our marriage (though I've come to realize that this is basically ALL successful marriages)  and we don't always agree on everything.

Still, just scratching the surface of what it will take to have a successful career in medicine has made me realize there is NO WAY I'd be able to do this if my husband weren't the type of person that he is and if I didn't have his backing the way I do. Because this is the first of many moments to come and I'm so grateful that he has proven to me that he has my back and I can do this.

Frustrated

I'm studying for my final exam, which is on Monday afternoon.

I have to admit, I dropped the ball a bit in the preparation for it. We finally moved into our new house and even though we didn't really have that much stuff, setting it all up, unpacking etc took much more time (and energy) than I anticipated. I go around to actually start studying a full 5 days after I had originally planned to.

And, as always with studying, I feel behind in where I was hoping to be.

One thing that I wanted to do though was do at least 3-4 of the previous years' exams as a way to gauge my understanding and pin-point my weaknesses. I started to skim through them when I realized that there were NO answers posted on the website for my course.

This frustrates me to no end. What is the point of posting the prior year exams with no answer guide? I mean, yes, they will be mildly useful to know what kinds of questions to expect but no answer key at all kind of defeats the purpose.

I emailed the prof for the course and she was like "oh we don't have the answer key...I might be able to throw something together but probably not before the exam." Um, ok? So I asked if I could at least do one and send it to her to mark and she said sure. By why don't they have the answer key? Surely one was developed when it was being written in the first place.

Ugh. I'm just super grumpy now after reading the email from the professor - and it came at a bad time (as I was reviewing all the organic chemistry stuff - I really know nothing except the nomenclature and how to draw the molecules...).

Changes

It hit me today that I have just one week of lectures left.

Spring is in the air in New Zealand (so weird when to me October is usually the first real month of fall) and students are getting ready to finish up another year (perhaps their last ever?) of university.

 I have to admit, I'm looking forward to being done my course even though I've thoroughly enjoyed it. The pregnancy is starting to tire me out and the 2.5 hour round trip commute is starting to be more uncomfortable than not.

BUT I'm in a great place mentally - I feel very motivated to study and do as well as I can on the final. On Monday I got my results back from our lab test and recent group report (that I wrote). I got 100% on both and was especially proud of the test, as I was one of only two people to get the perfect score (the other was my lab partner!).

The final is worth 60% of my grade though, so I do need to do very well on it even though I'll be going into it with a 96% average. Still, I think its totally doable!

One thing that I'm starting to realize - and it both excites and scares me - is that I actually have the ability to do this. A part of me really wondered if I have what it takes to do well in science. In high school, I was good at biology and did well in physics but my real strengths were in the social sciences. My IB courses focused on English, History, Economics and French. I always took a backseat in the sciences because they didn't come as easily to me.

I'm excited though, because if I do well on this final - and there is no reason for me not to if I study appropriately - then my gamble of taking this course will have paid off. I'll be able to apply to the program and show the admissions committee that while, yes my background is in business I can ALSO science. And hopefully, taking this course will allow me to lessen my course load in that first year of health science courses.

I'm scared, on the other hand, because of what it means if I have a real shot of getting in, that I will get in and the changes that it will bring. It will mean uprooting and moving my kids again. It will mean moving away from extended family again - but this to a place where there is no support. It will mean pressure to do well at school and hold it together on the family front. It will mean taking on debt and it will mean several years of not contributing financially.

However the reason I'm pushing for it is because the alternative is just coasting. Sure, being a mom is awesome and keeps me busy. But soon it will no longer be enough. I don't think I would be satisfied if my life's long term focus was just my kids. As it is I spend way too much time engaging in debates about GMO's, vaccines, gun control, alternative medicine etc online just to scratch that itch to use my brain. I want and need a bigger challenge.