The evolution of my ambitions

I used to be very ambitious when I was in high school and then when I was in undergrad. I had these dreams of becoming the CEO or CFO of a large corporation the likes of GE or Coca Cola. But slowly as I grew older and matured and started to really think about what I really want from life, I realized that these goals were not in-line with those aspirations.

Money started to be less and less of a requirement. This became reinforced over and over when I started working in audit - I could see how hard everyone was working but how responsibilities and work load went up exponentially as you were promoted. Except for a handful of people, most seemed miserable. The glamour of becoming a company executive began to disappear as I saw what it was really like. And honestly, the money wasn't that good. At least, it didn't seem worth it.

I have to admit a lot also changed when Tubes was born. I had always vowed that having children wouldn't change me and that I could totally be like one of those female CEOs who has 5 kids and still spends "quality" time with them. But I changed. The importance of everything else just paled in comparison to being with him, watching him grow and develop.

So, why the hell do I want to be a doctor then? Because I still am ambitious. That part of me hasn't gone away, though I do think it was buried a bit first by becoming a mom and also just disliking my job so much. Maybe had I pursued a different route (i.e. not accounting/finance) maybe I wouldn't be here today.

But  my ambition has changed. I still want to have an important job that challenges me, that keeps me engaged and interested and that is something that I can be proud of - but I don't need to take over the world.

With medicine, I don't aspire to be a neurosurgeon or cardiologist or whatever. Just a humble family physician with a smallish practice somewhere in a medium-to-small sized town. As I grow older (and hopefully more mature!) I realize what my limitation are and I feel clearer about what I want from life. Obviously the few years of training will be hard and demanding on my time.

Even if medicine doesn't work out and I don't make it, I'm still going to seek out other options that complement what I want. But hopefully I won't have to.

getting into the rhythm of things

I realize that I haven't been blogging much lately, and that is mostly because I'm sort of getting into the rhythm of things and things are finally starting to fall into place.

I still have to take my Bio final - I ended up postponing it because of my illness and then found out that I had to give them "at least 20 days" notice. So, while I'm not too happy I had to push it back that much, I will benefit from the extra study time.

I started working at that nursing home and have to admit its been a bit boring so far, but I guess it was to be expected.  I'm still volunteering at my Dr's office and its still my favorite thing. The staff are awesome at letting me help - I'm getting to be a pro at giving tetanus and B12 shots! Plus there is a few new people at my Dr's office, so when he is teaching them, I listen and have really been learning a lot.

I restarted my MCAT course and this time there are way more people in it than last time. At first I was a bit  bummed but I think it will be a good thing because a) there are more people like me (i.e. pursing medicine at an older age) and b) maybe I'll get some good study partners out of it. But I'm reminded of how much work this will be so am again anxious to get my bio stuff finished so I can focus on it 100%.

So that's me at the moment. My next big task is to organize my trip to Poland to work with one of my parents surgeon friends.

Registered for MCAT!

I registered for the MCAT today! The big day will be April 28th, 2012!

New Years Resolution

My New Year's resolution, like for many people, used to be to lose weight. But this year I am going to change it up a bit and make my resolution "to make the healthy choice".

I figure that if I want to be a doctor, I really need to practice what I (hope) to preach. So, while I do want to lose some weight, I also just want to force myself to make the health choice when presented with options. Walk wherever I can. Fit in some more intensive exercise into my schedule. Pass up on the brownie at Starbucks.

What are your resolutions?