My Doctor Reading List

Friday, January 27, 2012

The evolution of my ambitions

I used to be very ambitious when I was in high school and then when I was in undergrad. I had these dreams of becoming the CEO or CFO of a large corporation the likes of GE or Coca Cola. But slowly as I grew older and matured and started to really think about what I really want from life, I realized that these goals were not in-line with those aspirations.

Money started to be less and less of a requirement. This became reinforced over and over when I started working in audit - I could see how hard everyone was working but how responsibilities and work load went up exponentially as you were promoted. Except for a handful of people, most seemed miserable. The glamour of becoming a company executive began to disappear as I saw what it was really like. And honestly, the money wasn't that good. At least, it didn't seem worth it.

I have to admit a lot also changed when Tubes was born. I had always vowed that having children wouldn't change me and that I could totally be like one of those female CEOs who has 5 kids and still spends "quality" time with them. But I changed. The importance of everything else just paled in comparison to being with him, watching him grow and develop.

So, why the hell do I want to be a doctor then? Because I still am ambitious. That part of me hasn't gone away, though I do think it was buried a bit first by becoming a mom and also just disliking my job so much. Maybe had I pursued a different route (i.e. not accounting/finance) maybe I wouldn't be here today.

But  my ambition has changed. I still want to have an important job that challenges me, that keeps me engaged and interested and that is something that I can be proud of - but I don't need to take over the world.

With medicine, I don't aspire to be a neurosurgeon or cardiologist or whatever. Just a humble family physician with a smallish practice somewhere in a medium-to-small sized town. As I grow older (and hopefully more mature!) I realize what my limitation are and I feel clearer about what I want from life. Obviously the few years of training will be hard and demanding on my time.

Even if medicine doesn't work out and I don't make it, I'm still going to seek out other options that complement what I want. But hopefully I won't have to.

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