My husband, as supportive as he is of me pursuing this goal, does not read my blog. He is not a blog reader at all and to be honest, I'm glad he doesn't read this.This blog is an outlet for me, something I do to keep me motivated and accountable. I let myself worry and wonder on it. I write out my feelings. And its also a way to keep some of my friends up-to-date on my process without having to repeat myself. In any case, he doesn't need to read it because he knows about everything anyway. But he does know about it and he asked me something the other day that made me think...
He said "You know, I'm a bit worried about you...your blog title, 'MD or Bust' suggests that if you don't get into medicine, that your life will be over somehow. Is that how you really feel?"
I have to say right away that it is NOT how I feel. I'm doing this, giving this my best shot but if it doesn't work out, I'll be fine with it. I'll be able to make my peace with the fact that I tried and while I'll be disappointed (and probably shed not a few tears over it), at least I won't have to live with regret of not trying.
I read on a forum that I venture onto occasionally about another med school hopeful who did pretty much say his or her life would be over if they don't make it to medicine. How his/her life was so bad now, that the hope of becoming a doctor is the only thing keeping him/her going. But some wise poster, also a med school hopeful responded with something that really echoed how I feel about it all. He said that while its his dream to become a doctor, it is not a pursuit of happiness. He said he is already happy with his life and becoming a doctor would just be the cherry on the top. I too, in every aspect of my life except my career path, am happy with my life. I have a great marriage, a fabulous child, supportive family, wonderful friends...I've had some amazing experiences and know that even if my medical school dream doesn't work out, I'll still have all those things. I'll just have to get creative with improving my job situation.
As for the title then, why did I name it "MD or Bust"? Because its catchy. Somehow "MD or maybe something else that will make me equally as happy, I just don't have an idea of what that is" just doesn't have the same ring to it.