One of the reasons I've been feeling so discouraged is because I realized that with my lack of pre-requisites and potentially terrible MCAT score, I'd be left with pretty much one university to apply to. Its my second choice (but only due to location, the program itself is my first choice) but its also the hardest to get into in Ontario because of its favorable admissions requirements (low GPA min, only verbal score of MCAT counts etc) so way more people apply there than other universities.
But today I found out that for the 2013 application cycle, an awesome university has abolished their pre-requisites requirements AND don't have any MCAT cut-offs! Mind you, that doesn't mean I can tank the MCAT (they will have their own internal cut-off for sure) but just the knowledge that they won't toss my application because of one bad number is uplifting (and the fact that they take your best MCAT score only). And this ironically makes me more motivated to study harder. Also, I have heard that they really value extra-curricular activities highly and I think mine are pretty solid. That's one thing I'm really grateful to my undergrad for - we were required to keep a certain level of activities during the year, so at least I tick that box.
So all in all...feeling a bit better about it all today.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Feeling discouraged
I'm feeling really discouraged today and having one of those "what the HELL am I doing?!?!?" moments. Honestly, the MCAT is scaring me so much that I've started researching other options if I don't get accepted here, such as applying to Australia where my GPA is higher, MCAT minimums are lower and competition (for international spots) is less fierce, but its also not without its downside.
The reality is that it takes the average Canadian applicant 2.7 attempts to get accepted - and as a "below" average candidate (I'm being realistic), I'm sure it would take me longer to up my ante, unless I'm extremely lucky. And I don't want to wait 3 more years! I feel like my life is on hold until I know if I get in or not and I can't "not know" for 3+ years. Its just not fair to my family, and I don't think I could take it.
At first I was really excited about the prospect of Australia. I've lived there before and really enjoyed it. Yes, it was hard being away from family and friends but at least I know what its like, and if I went to Brisbane, I already have some family and friends there already. I think I'd get a great education and luckily even if I were to do my residency over there I'd be able to come back and practice here in Canada without redoing a residency (in family medicine). Also, as the wife and mother of New Zealand citizens, I could actually get permanent residency standing in Australia very easily, which would allow me to do my medical residency training, if I were to not match in Canada or if we decided to stay. It also qualifies me for cheaper tuition.
That being said, after doing some research I've since found out that while I am able to apply as an international student and can switch over to being a PR/domestic student, the tuition benefits are not as great as they initially appeared to be. That is because domestic students get what is called CSPs (Commonwealth Supported Places), which are heavily subsidized by the government. But, the only way to qualify for that would be to become a PR first (meaning I'd have to move there first) and then apply in the same manner as Australian's - which is again very competitive, plus I'd have to write the GAMSAT (the Aussie version of the MCAT) and would have to physically attend interviews (as an international I could have my interview via Skype). If I were to apply as an international and switch over to PR status, I'd only qualify for a "full-fee" paying spot, which is still very expensive (and more than in Canada). I'm still trying to determine exactly what the cost of doing this in Australia would be but I'm worried that if its too expensive, I'm not sure if I'm willing to do it.
I don't know. Maybe I don't want it badly enough. Maybe my struggles with the MCAT are a sign its not meant for me. I can totally see why some people would give up this dream because, man is this hard.
The reality is that it takes the average Canadian applicant 2.7 attempts to get accepted - and as a "below" average candidate (I'm being realistic), I'm sure it would take me longer to up my ante, unless I'm extremely lucky. And I don't want to wait 3 more years! I feel like my life is on hold until I know if I get in or not and I can't "not know" for 3+ years. Its just not fair to my family, and I don't think I could take it.
At first I was really excited about the prospect of Australia. I've lived there before and really enjoyed it. Yes, it was hard being away from family and friends but at least I know what its like, and if I went to Brisbane, I already have some family and friends there already. I think I'd get a great education and luckily even if I were to do my residency over there I'd be able to come back and practice here in Canada without redoing a residency (in family medicine). Also, as the wife and mother of New Zealand citizens, I could actually get permanent residency standing in Australia very easily, which would allow me to do my medical residency training, if I were to not match in Canada or if we decided to stay. It also qualifies me for cheaper tuition.
That being said, after doing some research I've since found out that while I am able to apply as an international student and can switch over to being a PR/domestic student, the tuition benefits are not as great as they initially appeared to be. That is because domestic students get what is called CSPs (Commonwealth Supported Places), which are heavily subsidized by the government. But, the only way to qualify for that would be to become a PR first (meaning I'd have to move there first) and then apply in the same manner as Australian's - which is again very competitive, plus I'd have to write the GAMSAT (the Aussie version of the MCAT) and would have to physically attend interviews (as an international I could have my interview via Skype). If I were to apply as an international and switch over to PR status, I'd only qualify for a "full-fee" paying spot, which is still very expensive (and more than in Canada). I'm still trying to determine exactly what the cost of doing this in Australia would be but I'm worried that if its too expensive, I'm not sure if I'm willing to do it.
I don't know. Maybe I don't want it badly enough. Maybe my struggles with the MCAT are a sign its not meant for me. I can totally see why some people would give up this dream because, man is this hard.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
To write or not to write....
The MCAT. My nemesis.
I've been studying pretty hard for the past two weeks and honestly, things are not looking good. At all. In fact, I had a mini break down the other day because I realized I was falling pretty behind in my schedule and yet still couldn't figure out how to do those projectile motion physics problems. I just kept getting them wrong and all I could think about was how the prep course physics instructor kept reminding us that its a majorly important concept for the MCAT and serves as a foundation for future topics.
I realized how much I still have to learn, not just review and honestly, I know I can't learn it all before the exam. Its physically impossible.
Jordan thinks that I should just not write in April and post-pone it till August and I'm strongly leaning in that direction. But on the other hand, I have already paid for the test and won't get a full refund if I cancel- so I'm also leaning towards just writing it and basically treating it as a trial run. Who knows, I might get lucky (though that's wishful thinking - I think the same thing each time I buy a lottery ticket and so far, the most I've won was $120). I don't think it would be a wasted experience and I think it will keep me more focused to still study and not lose steam by having to write it in 4 weeks. But I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that I'm going to have to rewrite the goddamned thing. And that sucks.
I'm just realizing how major of an undertaking I've taken upon myself and however optimistic I was about doing it all in a year, its just not possible. I've had to reassess some of my goals. Like the Life Science pre-requisites for one university that I was planning on taking. I still have 1.5 full-time course equivalents to go and if I need to re-write the MCAT, there is no way that I'll be able to do them. So I may actually just end up NOT applying to the one university that I wanted to go to the most. But its that, or NONE, because if my MCAT sucks, I have no chances anywhere.
In any case, please send out good vibes my way on April 28th. Cause I'm desperately going to need them.
I've been studying pretty hard for the past two weeks and honestly, things are not looking good. At all. In fact, I had a mini break down the other day because I realized I was falling pretty behind in my schedule and yet still couldn't figure out how to do those projectile motion physics problems. I just kept getting them wrong and all I could think about was how the prep course physics instructor kept reminding us that its a majorly important concept for the MCAT and serves as a foundation for future topics.
I realized how much I still have to learn, not just review and honestly, I know I can't learn it all before the exam. Its physically impossible.
Jordan thinks that I should just not write in April and post-pone it till August and I'm strongly leaning in that direction. But on the other hand, I have already paid for the test and won't get a full refund if I cancel- so I'm also leaning towards just writing it and basically treating it as a trial run. Who knows, I might get lucky (though that's wishful thinking - I think the same thing each time I buy a lottery ticket and so far, the most I've won was $120). I don't think it would be a wasted experience and I think it will keep me more focused to still study and not lose steam by having to write it in 4 weeks. But I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that I'm going to have to rewrite the goddamned thing. And that sucks.
I'm just realizing how major of an undertaking I've taken upon myself and however optimistic I was about doing it all in a year, its just not possible. I've had to reassess some of my goals. Like the Life Science pre-requisites for one university that I was planning on taking. I still have 1.5 full-time course equivalents to go and if I need to re-write the MCAT, there is no way that I'll be able to do them. So I may actually just end up NOT applying to the one university that I wanted to go to the most. But its that, or NONE, because if my MCAT sucks, I have no chances anywhere.
In any case, please send out good vibes my way on April 28th. Cause I'm desperately going to need them.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
And...panic!
Ok, so I'm officially starting to panic. The MCAT is just over 6 weeks away and I'm no where CLOSE to being prepared.
I mean, yes I have been taking my prep course but for so much of it I'm learning these concepts from scratch - they aren't a refresher for me like for some many people in my course who have done a degree in the sciences. And when I think about how the MCAT is a relative exam, it makes me panic more. How the HELL am I going to be competitive when I'm going to be up against people for whom this will be second nature?
Ok, I'll be honest. My studying (other than attending my course) has not been as good as it should have been. I think a lot has to do with knowing how to focus my studying. Should I be re-doing my readings? Just pounding out practice problems (which is difficult if I don't fully understand the concept)? A mixture of both? I just don't know and I was hoping that the course I'm taking would give us more in that department. So I've kind of been doing a bit of everything and its just not been effective. Plus I just haven't been putting in the amount of hours that I should have. I'm still volunteering twice a week, still have a family to take care of. Balancing it all has just not been easy. Its an excuse for sure - but excuses aren't going to get me into med school. I know that its not harder for me than other people, or at least its not THAT much harder. There are others who have had way more hurdles to over come and managed to succeed, so there is no reason why I shouldn't either.
So I'm going to start stepping it up a notch. I think my aim will be to focus on a subject a day and spend a part of the day redoing the readings and refreshing the concepts and the other part just pounding away at practice problems. I don't know if this is the best approach, but its AN approach and I need to stick to something now before its too late.
But I'm still really, really daunted by this and where I'm sitting right now I don't have a good feeling about it. I'm going to give it my best shot and if I do really terribly at least I can try again before this application cycle. Though I'm slowly preparing myself that I'm just going to end up trying again next year.
STUPID MCAT. Honestly, if it weren't for the MCAT I think I'd have a fighting chance, I really do. But I guess everyone has a weak spot that if eliminated, would give them a better chance too - and since I obviously can't change the system I have to accept it and make the best of it.
Anyway, if anyone out there is reading this and has ANY suggestions, please send them to me!
I mean, yes I have been taking my prep course but for so much of it I'm learning these concepts from scratch - they aren't a refresher for me like for some many people in my course who have done a degree in the sciences. And when I think about how the MCAT is a relative exam, it makes me panic more. How the HELL am I going to be competitive when I'm going to be up against people for whom this will be second nature?
Ok, I'll be honest. My studying (other than attending my course) has not been as good as it should have been. I think a lot has to do with knowing how to focus my studying. Should I be re-doing my readings? Just pounding out practice problems (which is difficult if I don't fully understand the concept)? A mixture of both? I just don't know and I was hoping that the course I'm taking would give us more in that department. So I've kind of been doing a bit of everything and its just not been effective. Plus I just haven't been putting in the amount of hours that I should have. I'm still volunteering twice a week, still have a family to take care of. Balancing it all has just not been easy. Its an excuse for sure - but excuses aren't going to get me into med school. I know that its not harder for me than other people, or at least its not THAT much harder. There are others who have had way more hurdles to over come and managed to succeed, so there is no reason why I shouldn't either.
So I'm going to start stepping it up a notch. I think my aim will be to focus on a subject a day and spend a part of the day redoing the readings and refreshing the concepts and the other part just pounding away at practice problems. I don't know if this is the best approach, but its AN approach and I need to stick to something now before its too late.
But I'm still really, really daunted by this and where I'm sitting right now I don't have a good feeling about it. I'm going to give it my best shot and if I do really terribly at least I can try again before this application cycle. Though I'm slowly preparing myself that I'm just going to end up trying again next year.
STUPID MCAT. Honestly, if it weren't for the MCAT I think I'd have a fighting chance, I really do. But I guess everyone has a weak spot that if eliminated, would give them a better chance too - and since I obviously can't change the system I have to accept it and make the best of it.
Anyway, if anyone out there is reading this and has ANY suggestions, please send them to me!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Learning something new
One of the hardest things about this process is that I really have no one to ask for advice - that is, I don't have any real people friends who are going through it too to ask for or have volunteer information. So I rely a lot on forums and blogs that I read for tips. And hope that what I write will help others learn from my mistakes and things I've learned along the way.
And I have to say, I've actually learned a lot so far - and wish I had known a lot of these things before. Like today, for example, I learned that I can do my prerequisite courses as Pass/Fail - especially since I already have a degree and these courses I'm taking won't affect it.
I'm glad I found this out because it really takes the pressure off me for my 1.5 credit course requirement remaining for one university. Even though the grade I get wouldn't count for the one university that has the requirement, for another university in my top 3 the grades for every course ever taken at the university level count, whether or not taken as part of your degree. But taking it as Pass/Fail is win/win - I get the credit and it won't affect my GPA for ANY program. Also, lets face it but I think a Pass looks way better than a 60. Both lead to credit for the course but a 60 = crap and Pass can mean anything - and the university can't judge you on it. Also, I ran the numbers and even if I did amazing on my 1.5 remaining course requirements (4.0) my cumulative GPA would hardly budge at all.
I only wish I had known this before I did my Biology course. I ended up with a B+ in the course which I know isn't terrible but it does lower my GPA ever so slightly. But also I spent so much time on labs and assignments, which, while were great for helping me learn, also took a great deal of time. So the benefit of potentially increasing my GPA is tiny compared to the risk of it dropping and the effort it would take to get the amazing grades.
Another benefit of knowing this is I may actually be able to take another course such as Chemistry or Physics which may help me with letting me apply more broadly since I won't have to worry about a terrible score.
I know I shouldn't get ahead of myself - I'd still have to actually pass the course and I have to do some research because many courses don't have the Pass/Fail option. But I think it would be much easier to pass 3 courses (i.e. get 50%) than do amazing in two courses (90%+) or even one. Lets face it, its easy in general to pass, slightly tough to get over 70, even harder to get over 80 and damn right difficult to get over 90.
And I have to say, I've actually learned a lot so far - and wish I had known a lot of these things before. Like today, for example, I learned that I can do my prerequisite courses as Pass/Fail - especially since I already have a degree and these courses I'm taking won't affect it.
I'm glad I found this out because it really takes the pressure off me for my 1.5 credit course requirement remaining for one university. Even though the grade I get wouldn't count for the one university that has the requirement, for another university in my top 3 the grades for every course ever taken at the university level count, whether or not taken as part of your degree. But taking it as Pass/Fail is win/win - I get the credit and it won't affect my GPA for ANY program. Also, lets face it but I think a Pass looks way better than a 60. Both lead to credit for the course but a 60 = crap and Pass can mean anything - and the university can't judge you on it. Also, I ran the numbers and even if I did amazing on my 1.5 remaining course requirements (4.0) my cumulative GPA would hardly budge at all.
I only wish I had known this before I did my Biology course. I ended up with a B+ in the course which I know isn't terrible but it does lower my GPA ever so slightly. But also I spent so much time on labs and assignments, which, while were great for helping me learn, also took a great deal of time. So the benefit of potentially increasing my GPA is tiny compared to the risk of it dropping and the effort it would take to get the amazing grades.
Another benefit of knowing this is I may actually be able to take another course such as Chemistry or Physics which may help me with letting me apply more broadly since I won't have to worry about a terrible score.
I know I shouldn't get ahead of myself - I'd still have to actually pass the course and I have to do some research because many courses don't have the Pass/Fail option. But I think it would be much easier to pass 3 courses (i.e. get 50%) than do amazing in two courses (90%+) or even one. Lets face it, its easy in general to pass, slightly tough to get over 70, even harder to get over 80 and damn right difficult to get over 90.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Words of encouragement
I'm funny when it comes to being encouraged. I mean, I love being encouraged, knowing there are people rooting for me and am flattered by people when they say they think I can do something. However, it really doesn't hold much water with me if they don't know much about what they are encouraging me for. For example, with this MD pursuit, hearing "oh, but you'll get in for SURE" is actually a little annoying because the majority of people who say it clearly have NO idea how competitive it is (on the flip side though, I think that is still better than hearing "Well, I don't mean to discourage you but I don't think you'll get in" like my grandmother said to me, also have no clue about the process but just to be negative). But I much prefer hearing "Good for you for trying this - I really hope you get in".
That being said, I recently received some amazing words of encouragement from my family doctor, who I've been volunteering for in his clinical trials research and helping out as a physician's assistant. He not only told me that he's very proud of me but he really thinks that I'll make it - and when I do, he said he wants me to work with him in his practice! He was very sincere about it all and reminded me to get him to write me a letter of recommendation. He also mentioned that his is an associate professor at two universities in Ontario (one of which is one of my top choices) so this gave me a lot of hope that it will really stand out.
What he said to me meant so much because he has been through it all and he's a current medical student teacher (he teaches the family medicine rotations for two universities). He knows what they look for in students and he thinks that I have what it takes. This is the first time that I've had encouragement that has real depth to it and its incredibly motivating, especially since I have incredible respect for him as a physician. He is who I hope to channel if I become a family physician.
On that positive note, I'm going to sign off. Unfortunately, today I have to take Tubes back to the children's hospital for a follow up ultrasound of his bowels. I'll write about our little scare last weekend with him later.
That being said, I recently received some amazing words of encouragement from my family doctor, who I've been volunteering for in his clinical trials research and helping out as a physician's assistant. He not only told me that he's very proud of me but he really thinks that I'll make it - and when I do, he said he wants me to work with him in his practice! He was very sincere about it all and reminded me to get him to write me a letter of recommendation. He also mentioned that his is an associate professor at two universities in Ontario (one of which is one of my top choices) so this gave me a lot of hope that it will really stand out.
What he said to me meant so much because he has been through it all and he's a current medical student teacher (he teaches the family medicine rotations for two universities). He knows what they look for in students and he thinks that I have what it takes. This is the first time that I've had encouragement that has real depth to it and its incredibly motivating, especially since I have incredible respect for him as a physician. He is who I hope to channel if I become a family physician.
On that positive note, I'm going to sign off. Unfortunately, today I have to take Tubes back to the children's hospital for a follow up ultrasound of his bowels. I'll write about our little scare last weekend with him later.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
MD or bust - title explained
My husband, as supportive as he is of me pursuing this goal, does not read my blog. He is not a blog reader at all and to be honest, I'm glad he doesn't read this.This blog is an outlet for me, something I do to keep me motivated and accountable. I let myself worry and wonder on it. I write out my feelings. And its also a way to keep some of my friends up-to-date on my process without having to repeat myself. In any case, he doesn't need to read it because he knows about everything anyway. But he does know about it and he asked me something the other day that made me think...
He said "You know, I'm a bit worried about you...your blog title, 'MD or Bust' suggests that if you don't get into medicine, that your life will be over somehow. Is that how you really feel?"
I have to say right away that it is NOT how I feel. I'm doing this, giving this my best shot but if it doesn't work out, I'll be fine with it. I'll be able to make my peace with the fact that I tried and while I'll be disappointed (and probably shed not a few tears over it), at least I won't have to live with regret of not trying.
I read on a forum that I venture onto occasionally about another med school hopeful who did pretty much say his or her life would be over if they don't make it to medicine. How his/her life was so bad now, that the hope of becoming a doctor is the only thing keeping him/her going. But some wise poster, also a med school hopeful responded with something that really echoed how I feel about it all. He said that while its his dream to become a doctor, it is not a pursuit of happiness. He said he is already happy with his life and becoming a doctor would just be the cherry on the top. I too, in every aspect of my life except my career path, am happy with my life. I have a great marriage, a fabulous child, supportive family, wonderful friends...I've had some amazing experiences and know that even if my medical school dream doesn't work out, I'll still have all those things. I'll just have to get creative with improving my job situation.
As for the title then, why did I name it "MD or Bust"? Because its catchy. Somehow "MD or maybe something else that will make me equally as happy, I just don't have an idea of what that is" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
He said "You know, I'm a bit worried about you...your blog title, 'MD or Bust' suggests that if you don't get into medicine, that your life will be over somehow. Is that how you really feel?"
I have to say right away that it is NOT how I feel. I'm doing this, giving this my best shot but if it doesn't work out, I'll be fine with it. I'll be able to make my peace with the fact that I tried and while I'll be disappointed (and probably shed not a few tears over it), at least I won't have to live with regret of not trying.
I read on a forum that I venture onto occasionally about another med school hopeful who did pretty much say his or her life would be over if they don't make it to medicine. How his/her life was so bad now, that the hope of becoming a doctor is the only thing keeping him/her going. But some wise poster, also a med school hopeful responded with something that really echoed how I feel about it all. He said that while its his dream to become a doctor, it is not a pursuit of happiness. He said he is already happy with his life and becoming a doctor would just be the cherry on the top. I too, in every aspect of my life except my career path, am happy with my life. I have a great marriage, a fabulous child, supportive family, wonderful friends...I've had some amazing experiences and know that even if my medical school dream doesn't work out, I'll still have all those things. I'll just have to get creative with improving my job situation.
As for the title then, why did I name it "MD or Bust"? Because its catchy. Somehow "MD or maybe something else that will make me equally as happy, I just don't have an idea of what that is" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
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