Waiting

 I honestly don't even know where to start.

What a rollercoaster I've been on.

I started this final year of med school just gunning for Canadian medical residency, but with the sure knowledge that I'll have the UK as a back up. Last minute I decided to apply for Irish internship, because why not? Always good to have options.

I ended up doing really well on the NAC, and my score was in the "pass with superior performance" category. However my MCCQE1 score was slightly below average which was a bit disappointing. I needed more time to study for it, but I just didn't have the time. As it was, I took it on the last possible day to take it to make me eligible for the 2023 CaRMS cycle and had already missed the BC special pre-application deadline, and made me out of the running for over 50 Family Medicine spots. In the end, when I compared my scores to those of people who got interviews in the previous match cycle, it seemed my scores were on the low end of competitive, but still competitive enough to get an interview. So I was going into it all full of hope and knowing I have some solid back ups.

But.

Unfortunately, my SJT for the Foundation Programme for the UK experience has been an absolute nightmare. I decided to take the exam on the first available date. Since we were going to New Zealand for Christmas (and because I got a Family Medicine clinical elective in Jordan's home town), I wanted to have it done and ticked off my list. Unfortunately, I had so many technical issues, the proctor asked me if I'd like to just void my exam and retake it later. I agreed. However I had to get approval and by the time I got it, I was already in NZ. I took the retake, again remotely because the closest center was in Sydney and this time all was good. Except for some reason the proctor ended my exam when I was starting the final section. I contacted the exam provider and they admitted the error was theirs and that I can retake the exam. However, the FP said I can't. Even though it wasn't my fault at all. So now I'll probably just end up with a horrible score and as a result, a super low rank.

Then a few days before we were supposed to go back to Poland my eldest son suffered from a spontaneous pneumothorax (which I actually diagnosed myself prior to taking him to the ER). Two weeks later, after being airlifted to the children's hospital in Wellington, and having surgery on both lungs, thankfully he is back home, at my in-laws house, and recovering nicely. But he can't travel for at least 6 weeks. Luckily my husband has a lot of flexibility with his job and can work remotely so he will stay with him, while I go back to Poland with our younger two to resume my final few months of med school.

But through all of this, I had to finalize and submit my CaRMS applications. I also had to take the first part of the Irish internship exam, which I had NO time to study for and no idea if I was able to scrape a 60% to pass it to be eligible for the next round.

I just feel so defeated. Today I discovered a lot of people who applied for the Ontario family medicine programs got interview invites and I haven't received one yet. I'm getting legitimately scared I'll graduate without a single job offer, in spite of the fact that I had two (what I thought) solid back ups. 

Anyway, maybe it will all workout and all this worry and stress will have been for nothing. But at the moment, I'm feeling pretty low.

And just like that

I'm just a bit over a month away from starting my final year of med school. Its crazy how quickly the time has gone. 

But honestly, the last year of med school doesn't even seem that important right now. Because so much has been going on and is going. 

Refugee crisis is on going and even though most of the people we had been housing have moved on, either back to Ukraine or moved to Canada, the US or UK, we still have one person with us. However, she is also Canada bound, having received notification of her visa approval this morning.

I'll be honest - I'm relieved that we will have the house back to ourselves because this past year has been exhausting. I don't regret a thing and would do it again without a thought, but its was a huge effort. One day, maybe I'll write it all out. But for now, I just need some peace.

And unfortunately, some of the collateral damage has been my ability to study for the Canadian licensing exam and the required exam, the NAC, that I need to take as an IMG applying to Canada. The chaos, the demands on my time and general stress of the responsibility for so many people really took a toll on me. I gained like 15 lbs, I got Covid for the second time (it was inevitable as only one of the Ukrainians was vaccinated). I got so behind on my study plan and missed out on the ability to do a clinical GP elective in the UK (I tested positive for Covid the day before I was due to start the elective). 

I was scheduled to take both the exams in September, however now I'm just going to do the NAC, as not taking it would result in a failed mark and I would have to forfeit the $3,020 that the exam cost. Not only that, my next opportunity would be in September 2023 and it would have counted as one of my 3 lifetime attempts. So I decided to focus on the NAC even though everyone recommended that I do the MCCQE1 first. But there is no way I'll be ready for that one too and at least with the MCCQE1 I only had to pay $95 to change my date to November 9th. And that is the last day I can take the MCCQE1 if I want to have a shot at a Canadian residency. God, it's so expensive to become a doctor in Canada. It's truly a profession only the rich and privileged can afford. I'm so lucky that I happen to be one of those people. 

Honestly though, I'm so confused about this whole process. Part of me thinks that applying without any real clinical experience is a waste of time, but then recently during a prep course I took for the NAC, the instructor really stressed the importance of these two exams as they are the only objective measures that program directors have to filter candidates and that realistically, the only ones that stand a chance are those that are in the top 200-300. It's a scary prospect.

But what can I do? I knew this wouldn't be easy and luckily I've gotten past the first hurdle of the UK side at least. Meaning that I scored high enough on the language proficiency part (which, let me tell you isn't that easy and many people end up not doing well enough for). So, at least I'm eligible to apply there. And the next step will be writing the SJT exam. Fingers crossed I get the chance to do it in December. We are gong to New Zealand for Christmas this year and I really want to be able to just relax.

Anyway, this summer was pretty much a bust. I've been studying full time with only short breaks for my sister's wedding a bit of time with Jordan's parents. I can't wait for it to be over and get the exams over with too. 

I probably won't do another update until after the exams are done and (hopefully) passed. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

287

 Year 5 - my penultimate year of medical school - has started!

It's crazy to think that I'm already in 5th year. I can't believe how quickly the time has passed! 5th year always seemed to me so far away, and so close to the end. 

But this year is going to be intense. This is the year that I'll have to study for the Canadian medical licensing exam (MCCQE1) as well as the NAC, an OSCE style exam that I need to take as an IMG. Not to mention I'll need to be stalking the AFMC student portal to try and snag an elective rotation or two in Canada prior to applying to residencies. Which will be happening in just ONE year from now.

Its making me nervous, I'm not going to lie. As of my last check of the CaRMS website, it looks like I will be eligible for one of 287 IMG family medicine spots. In ALL of Canada. It seems like so little! Part of me almost doesn't even want to bother, but I also know that I can do it if I do everything right. I also think that one of the reasons that so many people are unsuccessful is also because there are so many requirements and things that need to be done way in advance, I can see people dropping the ball. Also, I'm going to apply as broadly as possible. Sure I'd prefer to be in Ontario most, with BC second, but I'm not going to true my nose up at Saskatchewan or Manitoba. I just want to get my foot in the Canadian door.

My plan is to start studying for the MCCQE1 now with a goal to write the exam in May. Part of me would prefer to wait till the summer break but I also a) need to do the NAC and b) need the summer to be as free as possible because of the possibility to do electives in Canada. And because my sister is going to try her third attempt at having her wedding go ahead (being cancelled twice now thanks to Covid) and I'd love to attend without the exam hanging over my head. That and being able to have a chance to do a retake if I fail.

I've been recommended by almost everyone to use the USMLE Step 2 question bank from UWorld as my main study focus with the Canada Qbank as my supplement for the Ethics part and CBD portion. I want to try and get through the UWorld Qbank twice and then move on to Canada Qbank and then do the MCCQE1 practice exam like a week or two before the actual one. Its an ambitious plan, especially considering that we are almost fully back in-class/in-hospital at school (for which I am actually super grateful). 

If anyone has any additional tips or advice, I welcome them in the comments!

Need to level up

Its really been hitting me recently that I'm now half way through 4th year. We are now clearly on the downhill portion of my medical school journey. But it also means less time to get those required experiences checked off my list.

My post-grad group has been very popular especially lately. I've managed to secure some great speakers to run info-sessions on getting into various English speaking residencies and inspired one member to start a spin-off group for those who want to pursue residency in German.

But I've also been attending some of these sessions too, because I also have a lot to learn and recently a friend of mine did one on the USA. He really reinforced how much the average med student as accomplished before even getting accepted into medical school and how these are the people we are competing with for residency. I mean, it's not that different in Canada.

And as much as I'd love to be able to say "HEY! I graduated med school with three kids!"  its really not going to be enough. I need to push myself to do more, to improve my CV and overall experiences.

I've started to work on a research paper on the attitudes of medical students in Poland towards abortion. I found a great mentor to help me, but I'm still waiting for approval from our school's ethics committee. I heard they can take ages though so I thought I'd just start doing the analysis and write up of the report. My mentor suggested that I present it as an abstract at a medical student conference coming up in May so I want to try and finish my preliminary work for it in the next few weeks to meet the deadline.

Next my husband suggested that since I've received both doses of the covid vaccine already, that I volunteer at some local clinics. I've called two of them already and have received a very positive response and will hear back soon as to when etc they need me. I told them I'm willing to help out in any fashion.  To be honest, I have been feeling a bit guilty, for lack of a better word, that I was able to get the vaccine so early. I think its a bit crazy for us med students to get it, when most of our courses are online. And also a bit pointless - I contacted the IM department at my university to see if I can finally complete my mandatory IM summer practice that I was supposed to do last summer, and was still told I can't because of COVID, because they still don't know if we can transmit the virus to others Sigh. So I'm just sitting at home, with all my classes on MS Teams for the next few weeks. When I mentioned this to my husband he told me to try locally instead. And that way I can both be useful, close to home and potentially include it in my CV, even if it won't count towards my practical experience requirement. 

So thats my plan for now. That and reaching out to all my contacts to see what I can do to maximize my chances of landing a Canadian residency. I have a call with the son of a good friend of my dad's who is a family doctor in BC. He already mentioned he talked to his program director about me and will tell me everything he knows. 

I'm really hoping that I'm able to do an elective rotation somewhere in Canada this September. From my talks with other IMGs this seems to be one of the main keys to having a shot. And the more I can do, the better. Especially if I can score a strong letter of recommendation out of it. And fingers crossed my vaccinated status will allow me to skip the quarantine so I can maximize my time doing rotations and hopefully, see my parents and sisters finally! Its now been 1.5 YEARS since I saw them last. 

Another thing I want to do is subscribe to a question bank for the first part of the Canadian medical licensing exam. One tip I learned, that makes sense, is to start doing the questions NOW, even though I won't be writing the exam for like a year and a half. The guy recommending this said that it will just make me that much more familiar with the style of questions and the patterns - so even if I don't KNOW that topic yet, it will prepare me much better than simply studying the content. 

So that's me for now. Lots to do. 

Application...submitted!

Well, today I submitted my med school applications finally. With just over 3 hours to spare! Woo hoo!

Yes, I know today was the deadline but I'm a procrastinator by nature and it wouldn't feel right to NOT finish at the last minute. Its not a good idea to do this, as I thought I was done early this morning and then realized I had to input EVERY. SINGLE. COURSE. I've EVER taken, including the course number, grade received and number of credits earned! Ugh! It took over 2 hours - but luckily I had the time and LUCKILY I actually had most of them in a Google doc, so it wasn't as brutal as it could have been. But I absolutely hate the OMSAS website. Its so primitive, its embarrassing. And it just looks like there would be so many errors in it.

I'm hoping for the best but expecting the worst. At this point unless I absolutely KILL the CASPer I doubt I'll make it for Mac to get an interview. Which sucks because my biggest asset is my speaking (interviewing) ability and everyone I talk to (med students, consultants, other doctors) ALL say that if I get an interview I have an excellent chance. But it really looks like I won't get that chance, not this year at least.

I've also applied to NOSM (Northern Ontario School of Medicine). Now, I KNOW its a major stretch because I'm not from Northern Ontario or a rural area. However, I did spend over 8 years in a small village in Poland and I really think that it gave me a good idea of what remote/rural life is like. Especially during the early post-Communist times when infrastructure was so bad, a 20KM journey may as well have been 200KM. I know its a long shot, but my husband is really rooting for moving to Thunder Bay because he's dying to get out of the city. One of my best friends is from T-Bay and her whole family is up there, which would be great to have some friends in a strange place. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Like I said, its a major, major long shot.

So what are my plans till January (when I find out if I get an interview)? Lots. I'm going to continue volunteering at the nursing home, because I really enjoy it. I'll brace myself for another MCAT attempt (but not yet...I just need a break). I'll pursue some business ideas I have (hey, I need a solid back up in case med school doesn't work out this year....or ever). And I have some other stuff going on in my life which I'll share at a later date.

No, I'm not dead

But I have taken a break from being "med-obsessed". So much going on in my life right now, med school daydreams have sort of taken a backseat. I'm still in the process of finishing up my applications and I promise to update you all on whats been going on soon.

I have to admit, staying away from the forums has been especially nice and relaxing!

Catching up

MCAT attempt #2 is done and now I need to spend some time catching up in other areas of my life. Need to catch up on work, finish up my applications for med school and plan, plan, plan for some major changes coming to my life!

Back soon...

To Do List

I have so much to do with applying to medical school this year - and even though I still have like 2 months to do it, I know I need to get on it...I've made a start, but I would rather be "done" and have time for last minute things I forgot about rather than realize when its too late*.

1. Letters of recommendation - draft all 3, as all 3 of my "recommenders" want an outline and points about myself that I want mentioned. I hate this, it seems a bit unfair but I hear its very common. It honestly makes me question the purpose of these letters.

2. Contact all the verifiers for my extra curricular activities and see if they are willing to verify that I participated in said activity.

3. Start drafting my essay responses for the universities I plan to apply to. I think this I will enjoy the most.

4. Refine my list of extra curricular activities - I think I need to cull the list a bit and only focus on relevant stuff.

5. Keep studying for the MCAT. I'm happy to report that my verbal marks keep getting stronger and stronger with each attempt. Hurray!

6. Contact the out of province university I did courses for and order my transcripts and makes sure that they get delivered to OMSAS.

7. Register for my 1.5 worth of credits for U of T - though with the MCAT cut-offs, this is going to be a LONNNNGGG shot.

* I wonder how many people miss the application deadline every year because of stupid mistakes?

Some positive news

One of the reasons I've been feeling so discouraged is because I realized that with my lack of pre-requisites and potentially terrible MCAT score, I'd be left with pretty much one university to apply to. Its my second choice (but only due to location, the program itself is my first choice) but its also the hardest to get into in Ontario because of its favorable admissions requirements (low GPA min, only verbal score of MCAT counts etc) so way more people apply there than other universities.

But today I found out that for the 2013 application cycle, an awesome university has abolished their pre-requisites requirements AND don't have any MCAT cut-offs! Mind you, that doesn't mean I can tank the MCAT (they will have their own internal cut-off for sure) but just the knowledge that they won't toss my application because of one bad number is uplifting (and the fact that they take your best MCAT score only). And this ironically makes me more motivated to study harder. Also, I have heard that they really value extra-curricular activities highly and I think mine are pretty solid. That's one thing I'm really grateful to my undergrad for - we were required to keep a certain level of activities during the year, so at least I tick that box.

So all in all...feeling  a bit better about it all today.

Roller coaster ride

As I do more research into this whole "getting into medical school" journey, I've learned that there is a LOT of conflicting advice and opinions out there, especially when it comes to evaluating my chances.

For example, I met with a special career consultant to specializes in medical schools. He came recommended to me by a friend and I must say, was very good. He told me that 32 of the 33 people who he advised over the past 2 years have been accepted into medical school. And he told me he thinks that I have a shot (woohoo!) and will be happy to help me with the process. BUT he couldn't stress enough about how competitive it all is and basically said that while I DO have a shot, I'm not a shoo-in. Which is exactly how I view myself. Obviously, I wouldn't be applying if I didn't think I had SOME chance. But on the other hand my grades (while impressive in every other field) won't be stellar in the eyes of most school admissions committees. My lack of science courses may not matter for some schools but others may hold it against me. I haven't written the MCAT yet so who knows - if I do well, it may really open some doors for me, if not, well I guess it depends how badly. And I can always take it again.

But when I post my grades on medical school forums, most of the moderators/members think I have a great chance at getting an interview, which is my goal. I think I interview well - I'm confident, I don't get flustered and I know how to sell myself and I think (I hope) I'd be able to convince an interview panel that I would be a terrific doctor.

Its hard though. I'll have someone post and say that I'll definitely get an interview and I'll think "YES, this is GOING to happen!!!"  Then someone else says, well maybe for University X, but its slim for University Y...I'll read statistics on the accepted applicants and my heart will sink, because I'm definitely on the low end of the spectrum. But then I'll talk to someone who wasn't remarkable (in terms of a med school applicant) and they got in, so I think, if SHE/HE managed to do it, why shouldn't I?

Its definitely a roller coaster ride. One moment I'll be so excited and feel confident, then next having a minor panic attack, wondering WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING and worrying about what I'm putting my husband and child through.

But I've started and there is NO turning back. I'm in it for the long haul. And I just really, really, really want to be able to post "Medical school bound!" as a Facebook status come May 2013.

Wish me luck!

Volunteering

One of the requirements for a strong medical school application is some sort of volunteer work. Although there is no magical number of hours required or places for volunteering, from what I've been reading (and honestly its common sense too), consistency is better than haphazard volunteering, and there are better and worse places to volunteer for sure. Experience where you can get hands on experience dealing with patient or really, just people in general, is much better than sitting in an office or doing administrative tasks. Areas that give you a glimpse of what it is like to be a doctor are also good because it will give you real experiences to mention when asked in an interview  "What do you know about what it is that doctors do?".

Anyway, in So you want to be a Doctor, eh? The author also notes that its important to get a meaningful experience out of the volunteer work. So in researching places to volunteer, I definitely kept this in mind. My mom made a great suggestion that I should look to volunteer at this Polish independent living and long term nursing home. Its an excellent choice (at least, I think so) because a) being of Polish background and speaking the language fluently will make me useful - plus it makes it more meaningful, b) it will give me the opportunity to deal with the residents there, most of whom will have some sort of medical issues (they can't help it, they are old) and c) its close to my house.

I went there today and met with the volunteer coordinator who was very excited for me to join. She was incredibly nice and was very enthusiastic and supportive of my desire to be a doctor. I was honest and told her that I'm looking to get this experience because I need it to apply to medical school but also because it will be a great way to see what it is to deal with sick people. To be honest, this will be the first true test for me to see if this really is something that I want to do in practice and not just in theory. Luckily she completely agreed with me and said that they will write me a very strong and positive letter of recommendation too (and she volunteered this without even my asking!).

I'm really looking forward to it actually. On Friday I go for orientation and then I was asked to attend a lecture on palliative care on Saturday morning, which should be very interesting.

And so it begins!

Whew! The last few weeks have been a real whirlwind. But....I'm DONE with work! I have to admit it took me a while to decompress and de-stress after that last week. I'm always like that. I remember even in University, after mid-terms or finals were over, I never felt that instant relief of being done...it always took a few days at least.

But I'm done, and have started full steam ahead with my prep for getting into medical school. Yesterday I finally got a chance to do my first lab for my Bio course. It was a lot of fun actually and I can't wait to do the next one. I've given myself a fairly aggressive schedule and timeline to finish this course because 1) its just a 1/2 course and I need to complete it to start the second half, 2) I signed up for a "hyperlearning" MCAT course that begins in less than a month and 3) I also need to sign up for another Life Science course. So my goal is to write the midterm by November 8th/9th if possible and the final before Christmas.

So I'm going to be busy. My mother-in-law asked me what it feels like to be a "lady of leisure" the other day but to be honest, I don't know because I just have so much on my plate.

Next up are finding some volunteering opportunities. There are two things that I really want to do. The first is to volunteer at this Polish nursing home. We have a family friend who is there and he is the nicest man. I'd love to go there on a regular basis even if just to see him and make his day a little less boring. Being of Polish background myself may also be a big bonus. The second is that I really want to shadow my family doctor, who is also a great guy. He also has a research company and am hoping that he might have a few projects that I could help him out with. Third is that I want to get in touch with some people who I would like to ask for a letter of recommendation. Even though I'm pretty much a year away from applying, I don't want to spring this huge request on these people who I respect and admire - and also want to have time to find a back up in the event that they can't or don't want to do it.

So...I'm really excited to finally be able to focus on this!