Its Sunday afternoon and I really wish I could be doing something other than (trying) to study for the pharma retake, which is now just 6 days away. I've be studying pretty diligently for ages (pretty much since the day after I failed the first one) but at a much slower pace than I should have. It was a great lesson on how much more enjoyable it is to study small chunks at a time instead of the same topic for hours on end, but now I'm behind where I hoped to be and it's frustrating. So the next six days will be pretty full-on.
On the flip side, I started my pediatrics rotation last week and I LOVE it. We are splitting our time between pediatrics and neonatology and both have been wonderful. Great doctors, interesting patients, getting to learn physical skills, practicing history taking and differential diagnosis. The hardest part though is watching children suffer. We had one especially who didn't even have anything majorly serious (hopefully) but seeing him in the situation he was in made ME wish I could take the sickness from him. Luckily he had the most loving and caring parents, which I was so glad to see. So far, the kids and babies we've seen had wonderful parents. But I know that there are kids with parents who are not so nice, who abandon them, who can't cope. I'm dreading meeting them because I swear, I'll just want to swoop in and adopt them all. Seriously, my husband even said he is fully expecting we will leave Poland with an adopted child.
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Another challenge is that my husband is looking for a new job now and is doing so in Canada. He quit his previous job 6 months ago and took some time off, which was great for him, but now it's back to reality and the reality is that he may be away for a while and it sucks. I miss him and not only that, he did so much of the childcare stuff that it's going to be a hard adjustment with him gone. Luckily my nanny is super flexible and will pick up the slack to some extent but still. He's hoping to find something that will allow him to work remotely from Poland or at least be flexible about it. This should be possible given the nature of the industry he is in and because he finally has that "10+ years of experience" that opens doors for him. So keep your fingers crossed!
Sunday, February 23, 2020
Monday, February 3, 2020
The first semester of third year is over and I'm on term break now. And I have to admit, I'm feeling super...blah. I never seem to feel relief after an exam session. It takes me forever to unwind.
It was a tough end to it, I must admit. I ended up failing the pharma exam. I was just shy of passing by two points, but a fail is a fail. It's the first exam that I've failed since starting med school. Actually, its the first exam I've ever failed in my life, period. So it was a bit of an ego bruiser, though if I'm honest, I just wasn't prepared like I should have been. Luckily the re-take will be at the end of the month and luckily it was just a term exam and not a final, so it doesn't really affect me.
My other exams went fine. I did really well in my pathology test and radiology final. I did ok in my parasitology exam, though I did worse than I expected so I'm going to go in and have a look at my exam because I'm confused on where I went wrong.
But I've still been active with trying to improve our program and met with the Dean again. I brought some concerns I had to his attention and he told me he had a great solution and I am so happy that he is taking it seriously. We also discussed some plans and opportunities for students to prepare for the USMLE and to do electives in the US. I'm still undecided whether I'm going to pursue the US as an option for residency but I still plan to take the USMLE prep course if we manage to get it off the ground because learning more stuff can't hurt. One great thing that came out of the meeting though was that the Dean told me how much he appreciated my pro-activeness and hard work, which was nice to hear. He also said I could come to him if I ever needed a favour for anything and its nice to know that I have that in my back pocket. And nice to know in general that he appreciates what I'm doing.
In spite of everything though, I'm feeling a bit drained at the moment. A part of it is the frustration I'm feeling at not doing that well on my exams in spite of having way more time to prepare. Only one kid to take care of - though I did have to spend a bunch of time driving to hospitals and doctors offices to deal with his leg that he broke two days before we came back from Poland and because we had another strep throat scare. And had to make sure he stayed on top of his school projects.
All I feel like doing right now is lying on the couch and watching reruns of Grey's Anatomy and drinking tea. But I need to start studying for pharma...yet I need the rest (and by "rest" I mean do my tax returns, book some medical checkups, take my son to the ortho, register my middle son for school, finish some projects at home and spend some time with my little kids). Ugh, I don't mean to come off complaining because I'm grateful every day for what I'm able to do. I'm just a bit tired.
It was a tough end to it, I must admit. I ended up failing the pharma exam. I was just shy of passing by two points, but a fail is a fail. It's the first exam that I've failed since starting med school. Actually, its the first exam I've ever failed in my life, period. So it was a bit of an ego bruiser, though if I'm honest, I just wasn't prepared like I should have been. Luckily the re-take will be at the end of the month and luckily it was just a term exam and not a final, so it doesn't really affect me.
My other exams went fine. I did really well in my pathology test and radiology final. I did ok in my parasitology exam, though I did worse than I expected so I'm going to go in and have a look at my exam because I'm confused on where I went wrong.
But I've still been active with trying to improve our program and met with the Dean again. I brought some concerns I had to his attention and he told me he had a great solution and I am so happy that he is taking it seriously. We also discussed some plans and opportunities for students to prepare for the USMLE and to do electives in the US. I'm still undecided whether I'm going to pursue the US as an option for residency but I still plan to take the USMLE prep course if we manage to get it off the ground because learning more stuff can't hurt. One great thing that came out of the meeting though was that the Dean told me how much he appreciated my pro-activeness and hard work, which was nice to hear. He also said I could come to him if I ever needed a favour for anything and its nice to know that I have that in my back pocket. And nice to know in general that he appreciates what I'm doing.
In spite of everything though, I'm feeling a bit drained at the moment. A part of it is the frustration I'm feeling at not doing that well on my exams in spite of having way more time to prepare. Only one kid to take care of - though I did have to spend a bunch of time driving to hospitals and doctors offices to deal with his leg that he broke two days before we came back from Poland and because we had another strep throat scare. And had to make sure he stayed on top of his school projects.
All I feel like doing right now is lying on the couch and watching reruns of Grey's Anatomy and drinking tea. But I need to start studying for pharma...yet I need the rest (and by "rest" I mean do my tax returns, book some medical checkups, take my son to the ortho, register my middle son for school, finish some projects at home and spend some time with my little kids). Ugh, I don't mean to come off complaining because I'm grateful every day for what I'm able to do. I'm just a bit tired.
Tuesday, January 14, 2020
As always, I seem to be drawn to blogging when I *should* be studying for an important exam (this time its for pharmacology, dear God help me). But it's been ages so I thought I'd do an update.
I'm still really enjoying 3rd year a lot. Before Christmas we started proper clinical classes with internal medicine being my group's first one. I really enjoyed it however my group's teacher was a little over-enthusiastic about sharing his knowledge, that we didn't really get as much chance to actually practice ourselves. For example, when practicing taking a patients history, he pretty much just did it himself instead of letting us. I also got annoyed when he told me that he thinks I'm really smart but to "not let" my husband see this because "men don't like it when their wives are smarter than them". Ugh. I did respond though and I said luckily my husband is a smart guy and in any case, he is secure enough in himself that he wouldn't be threatened by a smart wife. I wasn't sure if the prof was joking or not, but either way, its was inappropriate. Reminds me of how far we still have to go.
Christmas break was great. We went to New Zealand to spend some time with my husband's family. My husband and kids went earlier than I did and he and our youngest two are staying till the beginning of February and I returned back to Poland with our oldest son (he also had to go back to school).
The only thing that kind of keeps me up at night is wondering where we will end up. I discovered that if I get foundation programme training job and finish the first year, I can move to New Zealand and continue my training there. Which would be much better than spending 5 years (minimum) in the UK. Part of me likes the idea of the UK because I just like it there but the realities of living somewhere with no family or close friends around is something that I know would be hard on us. Granted that may be the case if we end up moving back to Canada and end up in a province other than Ontario.
But at the moment everything is up in the air regarding the UK and Brexit and how that will affect my prospects there. My main goal is still somewhere in Canada with my hometown's residency program being my top choice. I can't wait until I get to apply to the elective rotations, but I still have to wait a year.
Still, time is forging ahead - I'm almost 2.5 years done and after next semester I'll be half way through medical school. It's crazy when I think about it. How far I've come, how much I've learned and how much I really love this crazy profession.
But first I have to get through my pharma mid-term, a pathology test and finals for radiology and parasitology.
I'm still really enjoying 3rd year a lot. Before Christmas we started proper clinical classes with internal medicine being my group's first one. I really enjoyed it however my group's teacher was a little over-enthusiastic about sharing his knowledge, that we didn't really get as much chance to actually practice ourselves. For example, when practicing taking a patients history, he pretty much just did it himself instead of letting us. I also got annoyed when he told me that he thinks I'm really smart but to "not let" my husband see this because "men don't like it when their wives are smarter than them". Ugh. I did respond though and I said luckily my husband is a smart guy and in any case, he is secure enough in himself that he wouldn't be threatened by a smart wife. I wasn't sure if the prof was joking or not, but either way, its was inappropriate. Reminds me of how far we still have to go.
Christmas break was great. We went to New Zealand to spend some time with my husband's family. My husband and kids went earlier than I did and he and our youngest two are staying till the beginning of February and I returned back to Poland with our oldest son (he also had to go back to school).
The only thing that kind of keeps me up at night is wondering where we will end up. I discovered that if I get foundation programme training job and finish the first year, I can move to New Zealand and continue my training there. Which would be much better than spending 5 years (minimum) in the UK. Part of me likes the idea of the UK because I just like it there but the realities of living somewhere with no family or close friends around is something that I know would be hard on us. Granted that may be the case if we end up moving back to Canada and end up in a province other than Ontario.
But at the moment everything is up in the air regarding the UK and Brexit and how that will affect my prospects there. My main goal is still somewhere in Canada with my hometown's residency program being my top choice. I can't wait until I get to apply to the elective rotations, but I still have to wait a year.
Still, time is forging ahead - I'm almost 2.5 years done and after next semester I'll be half way through medical school. It's crazy when I think about it. How far I've come, how much I've learned and how much I really love this crazy profession.
But first I have to get through my pharma mid-term, a pathology test and finals for radiology and parasitology.
Tuesday, November 12, 2019
I'm sorry, I can't
This is a phrase that I'm required to mutter often as a medical student that is also a parent. It's a struggle sometimes to have to turn down events because it means missing out on time with my kids, but thats the reality of being a parent and when your family is your priority. Saying it would cause me to feel a pang of guilt in the past but honestly it doesn't anymore. Frankly, I don't even like to say "I'm sorry", because I'm NOT sorry. But its a habit I'm working on - not apologizing for things that I don't need to apologize for.
But I digress. Because my family IS my priority, however important my medical education and career are, and I do make a conscious effort to balance them. There are times when my family time has to be sacrificed, like when I need to study for an exam or have a mandatory class that clashes with one of my kids school performances. Sometimes I make the decision to sacrifice my family time for non-mandatory, but important to me events. But there are other times that I choose to forgo opportunities in order to spend more time with my kids. I'd love to join the surgery club, for example, and be able to attend a surgery last minute, however I just know it wouldn't work. I'd also love to join a uni sports club but that too is just too rigid for me and can't justify an evening a week for sport when I have plenty of other time available to workout that doesn't take time away from my kids.
I think that sometimes people forget that I have kids though. I try not to bring it up too often, and I really try to not use my kids as an excuse for not getting something done (which rarely happens) - even when they ARE the reason. At the end of the day, I choose to pursue medicine while having a family and there are some costs to that, like less time available to study or take part in extra curricular activities. It is what it is and I'm not bitter about it at all. I accept it and I also try to be as organized as I can to minimize my time away AND be able to fulfill my academic obligations. But what does sometimes frustrate me is having to justify it. Like not being able to attend a club meeting on a weekend. People are understanding, but I often get challenged on it...like being asked "but couldn't you come for just an hour?" Not, not even for "just" an hour. Because its never "just" an hour - I have to arrange it in advance with my husband (who may have planned on me being there to get something done), I have to commute, I have to find parking, the meeting will likely go over because no one else is rushed...and it ends up being like 4 hours or more of my precious weekend time.
This problem won't go away. It's going to follow me for the rest of medical school, through residency and beyond. And even though my kids are getting older and more independent, it doesn't mean that I will need to spend less time with them (and of course my husband). Plus I LIKE to spend time with them. They are great kids. And people will just have to get used to me saying "I can't".
But I digress. Because my family IS my priority, however important my medical education and career are, and I do make a conscious effort to balance them. There are times when my family time has to be sacrificed, like when I need to study for an exam or have a mandatory class that clashes with one of my kids school performances. Sometimes I make the decision to sacrifice my family time for non-mandatory, but important to me events. But there are other times that I choose to forgo opportunities in order to spend more time with my kids. I'd love to join the surgery club, for example, and be able to attend a surgery last minute, however I just know it wouldn't work. I'd also love to join a uni sports club but that too is just too rigid for me and can't justify an evening a week for sport when I have plenty of other time available to workout that doesn't take time away from my kids.
I think that sometimes people forget that I have kids though. I try not to bring it up too often, and I really try to not use my kids as an excuse for not getting something done (which rarely happens) - even when they ARE the reason. At the end of the day, I choose to pursue medicine while having a family and there are some costs to that, like less time available to study or take part in extra curricular activities. It is what it is and I'm not bitter about it at all. I accept it and I also try to be as organized as I can to minimize my time away AND be able to fulfill my academic obligations. But what does sometimes frustrate me is having to justify it. Like not being able to attend a club meeting on a weekend. People are understanding, but I often get challenged on it...like being asked "but couldn't you come for just an hour?" Not, not even for "just" an hour. Because its never "just" an hour - I have to arrange it in advance with my husband (who may have planned on me being there to get something done), I have to commute, I have to find parking, the meeting will likely go over because no one else is rushed...and it ends up being like 4 hours or more of my precious weekend time.
This problem won't go away. It's going to follow me for the rest of medical school, through residency and beyond. And even though my kids are getting older and more independent, it doesn't mean that I will need to spend less time with them (and of course my husband). Plus I LIKE to spend time with them. They are great kids. And people will just have to get used to me saying "I can't".
Sunday, October 13, 2019
3rd year begins!
I realized that I haven't been as active in posting lately. The summer was a busy one and then school just seemed to start again, all of a sudden.
Classes have been in session now for two weeks and I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things. Not to mention that the format is very different this year. Our classes seem to be done in bulk blocks as apposed to spread out over the semester. For example, I have parasitology and microbiology four days a week for three weeks and then parasitology is officially done and microbiology doesn't start up again until May for another three week block. And we have our first "midterm" on Tuesday! But then other classes we have consistently throughout the year, like Medical Polish (which I decided that I want to take as this is a weakness of mine - yes, I speak Polish fluently but I don't know most of the names of diseases in Polish and when I take internal medicine later in the year, I'll likely be the Polish "translator" student for my group, so I need to know my stuff).
So far though, I must say I'm enjoying the year so much more than last year. The classes that I have this year are so much more interesting because they seem so much more relevant to medicine. Plus we start actual clinical classes! THIS is what I've been waiting for.
Classes have been in session now for two weeks and I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things. Not to mention that the format is very different this year. Our classes seem to be done in bulk blocks as apposed to spread out over the semester. For example, I have parasitology and microbiology four days a week for three weeks and then parasitology is officially done and microbiology doesn't start up again until May for another three week block. And we have our first "midterm" on Tuesday! But then other classes we have consistently throughout the year, like Medical Polish (which I decided that I want to take as this is a weakness of mine - yes, I speak Polish fluently but I don't know most of the names of diseases in Polish and when I take internal medicine later in the year, I'll likely be the Polish "translator" student for my group, so I need to know my stuff).
So far though, I must say I'm enjoying the year so much more than last year. The classes that I have this year are so much more interesting because they seem so much more relevant to medicine. Plus we start actual clinical classes! THIS is what I've been waiting for.
Friday, August 2, 2019
I was going to do a post about going for what you want and how you need to really lean in, but that doing it the right way can seem - and will be - selfish.
But I kind of don't have the energy at the moment to delve into that, so it will have to wait for a future post.
However I wanted to update that I start my ER internship on Monday! I'm kind of cheating because it will be at the orthopedic hospital thats close to my house and they only take in wounds and orthopedic injuries, so my experience will be limited to those things but its close to my house and at least I'll get SOME experience. Unfortunately, I've learned a lot of people just get their internship forms signed without doing ANY work, so I don't feel bad. What I do feel bad about is that I totally forgot to order the suture practice kit last week to practice suturing on...I hope that if a wound comes in that the Dr I'll be working with will show me what to do, because I can't remember anything from the suturing course I took earlier this year and I'd love the chance to do some real live suturing.
Then in late August I'll be starting a family medicine internship. I met with the Dr I'll be working with today and he told me told me to look up the most frequently prescribed hypertension medications, because apparently thats the number one medicine he prescribes in his practice. But he seemed like a really decent guy who loves his job, so I look forward to working with him.
Otherwise I'm really enjoying this summer. Its not nearly as nice as last summer was, weather-wise, but I'm still enjoying it nonetheless. I've been able to get a lot of exercise in and it feels really good. I would love to figure out how to maintain this level of activity once school starts again.
But I kind of don't have the energy at the moment to delve into that, so it will have to wait for a future post.
However I wanted to update that I start my ER internship on Monday! I'm kind of cheating because it will be at the orthopedic hospital thats close to my house and they only take in wounds and orthopedic injuries, so my experience will be limited to those things but its close to my house and at least I'll get SOME experience. Unfortunately, I've learned a lot of people just get their internship forms signed without doing ANY work, so I don't feel bad. What I do feel bad about is that I totally forgot to order the suture practice kit last week to practice suturing on...I hope that if a wound comes in that the Dr I'll be working with will show me what to do, because I can't remember anything from the suturing course I took earlier this year and I'd love the chance to do some real live suturing.
Then in late August I'll be starting a family medicine internship. I met with the Dr I'll be working with today and he told me told me to look up the most frequently prescribed hypertension medications, because apparently thats the number one medicine he prescribes in his practice. But he seemed like a really decent guy who loves his job, so I look forward to working with him.
Otherwise I'm really enjoying this summer. Its not nearly as nice as last summer was, weather-wise, but I'm still enjoying it nonetheless. I've been able to get a lot of exercise in and it feels really good. I would love to figure out how to maintain this level of activity once school starts again.
Wednesday, July 17, 2019
A third of the way
Wow, I just realized today that I never did an end of year post! This is probably because as soon as exams ended, my in-laws came to visit us from NZ and then we all did a road trip to Croatia. We just got back on Sunday and are settling in to the summer for real.
I'm happy to say that I passed all my exams again and I'm very happy with my grades. I did much better than just pass but I'm mostly just happy I can enjoy the summer with my family without worrying about having to do any retakes.
Next up will be my family medicine summer internship (still in the process of organizing this).
In the meantime I'm going to chill, exercise and read some Scandinavian crime novels. And celebrate that I'm a third of the way through!
I'm happy to say that I passed all my exams again and I'm very happy with my grades. I did much better than just pass but I'm mostly just happy I can enjoy the summer with my family without worrying about having to do any retakes.
Next up will be my family medicine summer internship (still in the process of organizing this).
In the meantime I'm going to chill, exercise and read some Scandinavian crime novels. And celebrate that I'm a third of the way through!
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