Today I had a panic attack. Ok, not a real panic attack but a freak out. A freak out about what the hell I'm going to do after I graduate. Will I even be able to practice as a doctor?!
Yesterday's workshop on the NHS and how to get a post-grad job in the NHS after graduation was amazing. It made me excited to have a viable option for where I could go after I graduate - and would have a wonderful experience - but there are still some less than ideal aspects to it. Like the fact that the foundation years programme might be split up among various hospitals that may be a 100 miles apart, which would require moving every year. That would suck for my family. The fact that the training process is so much longer. Another big issue is Brexit. No one knows whats going to happen. And its so frustrating because at the moment, as an EU citizen, my path to fully licensed doctor would be pretty much guaranteed. Once the UK leave, my status drops and not only that, the UK has significantly increased the number of medical school spots so there will be even more competition.
But overall, as much as the UK system seems awesome, I still think I would prefer to go back to Canada, even if I couldn't get into the program that I want most.
So today, while procrastinating from biochem studying, I decided to read up a bit more on getting a Canadian medical residency as an IMG. I went on to a forum and stumbled upon a post by an IMG that was successful in matching back to Canada. I messaged him and he immediately messaged me back! He had some great tips and advice but his underlying message was: this is hard and getting harder. Make sure I have a good back up. That only about 50% of the Canadian IMGs in the Irish medicals school that applied got matched. That some of them were shocking because they were incredibly strong candidates. That students from med schools in commonwealth countries are preferred over students from non-commonwealth - which will make me have to fight that much harder.
The whole thing really bummed me out. Normally I am able to just not dwell on it. I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing and just shelving the issue because there isn't much good that will come from freaking out. But I took that box off the shelf today and I guess I just got scared that maybe I'm in complete denial about what my future looks like.
I just so badly want to go back to Canada. I don't even really care where, I just want to go back. I want to finish residency and start earning decent money so that my husband can take a break. I want to create some stability and a permanent "home" for my kids. I want to be closer to my sisters and their families. I want to be closer to my friends and live in a place that I feel like I belong to, a place where the values I hold most dear are respected and expressed by our country's leadership.
Luckily my husband was pretty good at calming me down. He said that there is no way I won't get a job anywhere since doctor shortages are going up everywhere and all the places that this is happening are going to have to address it sooner or later. That I still have 4 years to do what I need to do and that he is aware of the risks, aware that we won't be able to make any real plans for ages and that he is ok with that. It did make me feel better. I guess for me, the stakes are high. It's not just me who is on this journey, its my family too.
Anyway, going to get back to what I should actually be freaking out about - and thats the biochem exam.
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