I'm funny when it comes to being encouraged. I mean, I love being encouraged, knowing there are people rooting for me and am flattered by people when they say they think I can do something. However, it really doesn't hold much water with me if they don't know much about what they are encouraging me for. For example, with this MD pursuit, hearing "oh, but you'll get in for SURE" is actually a little annoying because the majority of people who say it clearly have NO idea how competitive it is (on the flip side though, I think that is still better than hearing "Well, I don't mean to discourage you but I don't think you'll get in" like my grandmother said to me, also have no clue about the process but just to be negative). But I much prefer hearing "Good for you for trying this - I really hope you get in".
That being said, I recently received some amazing words of encouragement from my family doctor, who I've been volunteering for in his clinical trials research and helping out as a physician's assistant. He not only told me that he's very proud of me but he really thinks that I'll make it - and when I do, he said he wants me to work with him in his practice! He was very sincere about it all and reminded me to get him to write me a letter of recommendation. He also mentioned that his is an associate professor at two universities in Ontario (one of which is one of my top choices) so this gave me a lot of hope that it will really stand out.
What he said to me meant so much because he has been through it all and he's a current medical student teacher (he teaches the family medicine rotations for two universities). He knows what they look for in students and he thinks that I have what it takes. This is the first time that I've had encouragement that has real depth to it and its incredibly motivating, especially since I have incredible respect for him as a physician. He is who I hope to channel if I become a family physician.
On that positive note, I'm going to sign off. Unfortunately, today I have to take Tubes back to the children's hospital for a follow up ultrasound of his bowels. I'll write about our little scare last weekend with him later.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
MD or bust - title explained
My husband, as supportive as he is of me pursuing this goal, does not read my blog. He is not a blog reader at all and to be honest, I'm glad he doesn't read this.This blog is an outlet for me, something I do to keep me motivated and accountable. I let myself worry and wonder on it. I write out my feelings. And its also a way to keep some of my friends up-to-date on my process without having to repeat myself. In any case, he doesn't need to read it because he knows about everything anyway. But he does know about it and he asked me something the other day that made me think...
He said "You know, I'm a bit worried about you...your blog title, 'MD or Bust' suggests that if you don't get into medicine, that your life will be over somehow. Is that how you really feel?"
I have to say right away that it is NOT how I feel. I'm doing this, giving this my best shot but if it doesn't work out, I'll be fine with it. I'll be able to make my peace with the fact that I tried and while I'll be disappointed (and probably shed not a few tears over it), at least I won't have to live with regret of not trying.
I read on a forum that I venture onto occasionally about another med school hopeful who did pretty much say his or her life would be over if they don't make it to medicine. How his/her life was so bad now, that the hope of becoming a doctor is the only thing keeping him/her going. But some wise poster, also a med school hopeful responded with something that really echoed how I feel about it all. He said that while its his dream to become a doctor, it is not a pursuit of happiness. He said he is already happy with his life and becoming a doctor would just be the cherry on the top. I too, in every aspect of my life except my career path, am happy with my life. I have a great marriage, a fabulous child, supportive family, wonderful friends...I've had some amazing experiences and know that even if my medical school dream doesn't work out, I'll still have all those things. I'll just have to get creative with improving my job situation.
As for the title then, why did I name it "MD or Bust"? Because its catchy. Somehow "MD or maybe something else that will make me equally as happy, I just don't have an idea of what that is" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
He said "You know, I'm a bit worried about you...your blog title, 'MD or Bust' suggests that if you don't get into medicine, that your life will be over somehow. Is that how you really feel?"
I have to say right away that it is NOT how I feel. I'm doing this, giving this my best shot but if it doesn't work out, I'll be fine with it. I'll be able to make my peace with the fact that I tried and while I'll be disappointed (and probably shed not a few tears over it), at least I won't have to live with regret of not trying.
I read on a forum that I venture onto occasionally about another med school hopeful who did pretty much say his or her life would be over if they don't make it to medicine. How his/her life was so bad now, that the hope of becoming a doctor is the only thing keeping him/her going. But some wise poster, also a med school hopeful responded with something that really echoed how I feel about it all. He said that while its his dream to become a doctor, it is not a pursuit of happiness. He said he is already happy with his life and becoming a doctor would just be the cherry on the top. I too, in every aspect of my life except my career path, am happy with my life. I have a great marriage, a fabulous child, supportive family, wonderful friends...I've had some amazing experiences and know that even if my medical school dream doesn't work out, I'll still have all those things. I'll just have to get creative with improving my job situation.
As for the title then, why did I name it "MD or Bust"? Because its catchy. Somehow "MD or maybe something else that will make me equally as happy, I just don't have an idea of what that is" just doesn't have the same ring to it.
Friday, January 27, 2012
The evolution of my ambitions
I used to be very ambitious when I was in high school and then when I was in undergrad. I had these dreams of becoming the CEO or CFO of a large corporation the likes of GE or Coca Cola. But slowly as I grew older and matured and started to really think about what I really want from life, I realized that these goals were not in-line with those aspirations.
Money started to be less and less of a requirement. This became reinforced over and over when I started working in audit - I could see how hard everyone was working but how responsibilities and work load went up exponentially as you were promoted. Except for a handful of people, most seemed miserable. The glamour of becoming a company executive began to disappear as I saw what it was really like. And honestly, the money wasn't that good. At least, it didn't seem worth it.
I have to admit a lot also changed when Tubes was born. I had always vowed that having children wouldn't change me and that I could totally be like one of those female CEOs who has 5 kids and still spends "quality" time with them. But I changed. The importance of everything else just paled in comparison to being with him, watching him grow and develop.
So, why the hell do I want to be a doctor then? Because I still am ambitious. That part of me hasn't gone away, though I do think it was buried a bit first by becoming a mom and also just disliking my job so much. Maybe had I pursued a different route (i.e. not accounting/finance) maybe I wouldn't be here today.
But my ambition has changed. I still want to have an important job that challenges me, that keeps me engaged and interested and that is something that I can be proud of - but I don't need to take over the world.
With medicine, I don't aspire to be a neurosurgeon or cardiologist or whatever. Just a humble family physician with a smallish practice somewhere in a medium-to-small sized town. As I grow older (and hopefully more mature!) I realize what my limitation are and I feel clearer about what I want from life. Obviously the few years of training will be hard and demanding on my time.
Even if medicine doesn't work out and I don't make it, I'm still going to seek out other options that complement what I want. But hopefully I won't have to.
Money started to be less and less of a requirement. This became reinforced over and over when I started working in audit - I could see how hard everyone was working but how responsibilities and work load went up exponentially as you were promoted. Except for a handful of people, most seemed miserable. The glamour of becoming a company executive began to disappear as I saw what it was really like. And honestly, the money wasn't that good. At least, it didn't seem worth it.
I have to admit a lot also changed when Tubes was born. I had always vowed that having children wouldn't change me and that I could totally be like one of those female CEOs who has 5 kids and still spends "quality" time with them. But I changed. The importance of everything else just paled in comparison to being with him, watching him grow and develop.
So, why the hell do I want to be a doctor then? Because I still am ambitious. That part of me hasn't gone away, though I do think it was buried a bit first by becoming a mom and also just disliking my job so much. Maybe had I pursued a different route (i.e. not accounting/finance) maybe I wouldn't be here today.
But my ambition has changed. I still want to have an important job that challenges me, that keeps me engaged and interested and that is something that I can be proud of - but I don't need to take over the world.
With medicine, I don't aspire to be a neurosurgeon or cardiologist or whatever. Just a humble family physician with a smallish practice somewhere in a medium-to-small sized town. As I grow older (and hopefully more mature!) I realize what my limitation are and I feel clearer about what I want from life. Obviously the few years of training will be hard and demanding on my time.
Even if medicine doesn't work out and I don't make it, I'm still going to seek out other options that complement what I want. But hopefully I won't have to.
Monday, January 23, 2012
getting into the rhythm of things
I realize that I haven't been blogging much lately, and that is mostly because I'm sort of getting into the rhythm of things and things are finally starting to fall into place.
I still have to take my Bio final - I ended up postponing it because of my illness and then found out that I had to give them "at least 20 days" notice. So, while I'm not too happy I had to push it back that much, I will benefit from the extra study time.
I started working at that nursing home and have to admit its been a bit boring so far, but I guess it was to be expected. I'm still volunteering at my Dr's office and its still my favorite thing. The staff are awesome at letting me help - I'm getting to be a pro at giving tetanus and B12 shots! Plus there is a few new people at my Dr's office, so when he is teaching them, I listen and have really been learning a lot.
I restarted my MCAT course and this time there are way more people in it than last time. At first I was a bit bummed but I think it will be a good thing because a) there are more people like me (i.e. pursing medicine at an older age) and b) maybe I'll get some good study partners out of it. But I'm reminded of how much work this will be so am again anxious to get my bio stuff finished so I can focus on it 100%.
So that's me at the moment. My next big task is to organize my trip to Poland to work with one of my parents surgeon friends.
I still have to take my Bio final - I ended up postponing it because of my illness and then found out that I had to give them "at least 20 days" notice. So, while I'm not too happy I had to push it back that much, I will benefit from the extra study time.
I started working at that nursing home and have to admit its been a bit boring so far, but I guess it was to be expected. I'm still volunteering at my Dr's office and its still my favorite thing. The staff are awesome at letting me help - I'm getting to be a pro at giving tetanus and B12 shots! Plus there is a few new people at my Dr's office, so when he is teaching them, I listen and have really been learning a lot.
I restarted my MCAT course and this time there are way more people in it than last time. At first I was a bit bummed but I think it will be a good thing because a) there are more people like me (i.e. pursing medicine at an older age) and b) maybe I'll get some good study partners out of it. But I'm reminded of how much work this will be so am again anxious to get my bio stuff finished so I can focus on it 100%.
So that's me at the moment. My next big task is to organize my trip to Poland to work with one of my parents surgeon friends.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
New Years Resolution
My New Year's resolution, like for many people, used to be to lose weight. But this year I am going to change it up a bit and make my resolution "to make the healthy choice".
I figure that if I want to be a doctor, I really need to practice what I (hope) to preach. So, while I do want to lose some weight, I also just want to force myself to make the health choice when presented with options. Walk wherever I can. Fit in some more intensive exercise into my schedule. Pass up on the brownie at Starbucks.
What are your resolutions?
I figure that if I want to be a doctor, I really need to practice what I (hope) to preach. So, while I do want to lose some weight, I also just want to force myself to make the health choice when presented with options. Walk wherever I can. Fit in some more intensive exercise into my schedule. Pass up on the brownie at Starbucks.
What are your resolutions?
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Sick
So my "not feeling too well" in the previous post turned out to be a fairly severe case of some sort of GI bug. I ended up in the ER with pretty bad dehydration and they had me connected to an IV for 7 hours. Fun times.
But honestly it was a rough 4 days - and I did zero studying. I don't even feel guilty about it because I was totally incapacitated. At one point I was lying in bed and watching only what was on whatever channel we had left it on the day before because I couldn't muster the energy to reach for the remote and change the channel (that had to be conserved for my trips to the bathroom to vomit). I ended up watching Jeopardy, a couple of episodes of "Last Man Standing" (not that bad actually) and an episode of Anderson, who I guess is trying to be a male Oprah replacement and I'm disappointed by what I saw (in between bathroom trips). But I digress. I decided I'm just going to post-pone my final by a few days (and since I have till the end of March to write it, I know it won't be a big deal).
I'm so thankful Jordan was able to take care of Tubes the whole time. On the third day we made the trip out to Newmarket to my parents house so I could sleep (or rather, run to the toilet) a bit more because of the extra distractions for Tubes so he wouldn't insist on seeing me as much.
Honestly, being sick when you have kids is a whole different ball game then before kids. They don't understand (and frankly, they don't care) why you can't get up, they just want you to be up. You feel guilty that all you'd rather do is just stay in bed and not move. And you can't even indulge in a post-sickness lie-in in bed when you're feeling way better (though not quite 100%) and where you regain that last bit of strength. You are up and taking care of them. It sucks. I'm so much more careful now about not getting sick than I once was - I actually get the flu shot every year now just in case.
The only silver lining is that I ended up losing almost 8lbs because of this (and its not even water weight) and I'm on track to lose a couple more since I only just started eating solids yesterday evening (lol, I sound like I'm going through my baby milestones!) and even those I can't have too many of because I don't want to upset my stomach.
Anyway...HAPPY NEW YEAR!
But honestly it was a rough 4 days - and I did zero studying. I don't even feel guilty about it because I was totally incapacitated. At one point I was lying in bed and watching only what was on whatever channel we had left it on the day before because I couldn't muster the energy to reach for the remote and change the channel (that had to be conserved for my trips to the bathroom to vomit). I ended up watching Jeopardy, a couple of episodes of "Last Man Standing" (not that bad actually) and an episode of Anderson, who I guess is trying to be a male Oprah replacement and I'm disappointed by what I saw (in between bathroom trips). But I digress. I decided I'm just going to post-pone my final by a few days (and since I have till the end of March to write it, I know it won't be a big deal).
I'm so thankful Jordan was able to take care of Tubes the whole time. On the third day we made the trip out to Newmarket to my parents house so I could sleep (or rather, run to the toilet) a bit more because of the extra distractions for Tubes so he wouldn't insist on seeing me as much.
Honestly, being sick when you have kids is a whole different ball game then before kids. They don't understand (and frankly, they don't care) why you can't get up, they just want you to be up. You feel guilty that all you'd rather do is just stay in bed and not move. And you can't even indulge in a post-sickness lie-in in bed when you're feeling way better (though not quite 100%) and where you regain that last bit of strength. You are up and taking care of them. It sucks. I'm so much more careful now about not getting sick than I once was - I actually get the flu shot every year now just in case.
The only silver lining is that I ended up losing almost 8lbs because of this (and its not even water weight) and I'm on track to lose a couple more since I only just started eating solids yesterday evening (lol, I sound like I'm going through my baby milestones!) and even those I can't have too many of because I don't want to upset my stomach.
Anyway...HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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